#For reasons I'm sure we can all understand | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pboogerswbb · 3 days ago

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SO IT GOES - chapter 6

Paige Bueckers x oc Warnings: language, sexual content and language, being sick? overthinking? p being melodramatic Wordcount: 4.4K A/C: was feeling inspired :)) anyway pls be patient with me posting, i'm applying to schools rn!! anyway this went a direction i hadn't planned but... uhh... i have no excuses i was going with the flow. anyway enjoy x (also what a scare yesterday just hoping p is doing fine and i'm sure everything's okay!)

Before London

You need a ride to work tmr?

I don’t but thank you x

My eyes roam the texts as they had repeatedly since last night, trying to decipher each letter as if some ancient code I couldn’t understand. Is she seriously gonna be like that? Like she wasn’t the one who pulled me in. She kissed me. Why was she taking it out on me now? I don’t got time for this anyway, to be stressing about something like this.

I hadn’t seen Izara since Saturday, not at work, not in the apartment building, hell, I’d even gone to the gym every morning praying that she might show up but it was as if the girl had disappeared from the face of the earth. I knew she was avoiding me, and I guess she had reason but fuck, I thought she’d be better than that. Not a word since Saturday, other than those strange cryptic texts. Fine. Be that way.

“My favourite girls!!” Trey’s voice blatantly interjects my spinning thoughts as me, Arike, Satou and Lou are sat at a circular table, eating lunch. Not that I had been eating per say, more so poking my fork here and there trying to stomach a piece of chicken now and then. The heaviness in the pit of my stomach made it hard to eat at all.

I lift my eyes, hoping Izara would be trailing behind the man as usual. But it’s Ava instead, holding a notepad and taking quick steps to keep up. I mean I knew it wasn’t Iz before even looking up - there was an uncomfortable void of heels tapping against the hardwood as the pair approach us eagerly.

“Oh hey!” Lou smiles from her chair next to me. “What’s up?”

“So we were thinking,” Trey starts, leaning forward against the table. “If y’all could film some clips answering comments on your own since our dear Zari isn’t here.”

“Uh, where is she anyway?” I ask as casually as I can - though the way everyone’s heads snap to me tells me it was a feeble attempt.

Trey’s dark brown eyes study me for a while with an expression I can’t quite read before answering. “She’s home sick, poor girl.”

Bullshit. She’s trying to avoid me, I know it. I can’t believe it, I thought she would be more mature than this, than faking being “sick” just to get away from an awkward conversation with me. Why was she assuming how I felt anyway? Like the kiss mattered to me? Like I’d want more?

I mean all that was true. God did it matter and God did I want, no, need more. Much more. But she didn’t know that, so why was she assuming. I thought we were friends. You know what this is? Bad friendship.

“Oh damn, hope she feels better,” Arike answers for me, noticing the way I’m gone in my thoughts.

“Y-yeah for sure,” I mumble, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I’mma go to the weight room.”

I place the fork down on my half eaten plate harshly, getting up abruptly making my irritation quite clear to everyone around me.

“Paige you gotta eat a little more,” Lou encourages but I shake my head.

“Nah, m’ not hungry,” I murmur and take my plate back, preparing to take out my aggravation at some weights, ignoring the way Arike and the rest of the girls eye me as I walk away.

“So how are we feeling about the first game soon?” My dad’s voice echoes through the speaker but I barely hear him, pacing my apartment’s living room. Truthfully I hadn’t thought much about the upcoming game. I knew that was bad. That I should be ecstatic, or scared as hell, but I didn’t feel anything else besides the dread of what happened between me and Iz.

Matter of fact, I hadn’t been able to think of anything else but the way she looked all night, the way her green smoked out eyes twinkled at me, the way she threw her head back when she laughed at my jokes, when she pressed her front against me. The way her full breasts felt against my chest, the way her round ass felt under my hands. God, the whimper she let out when I squeezed it as gently as I could.

“Paige?”

“Uh what?” I mumble, ears burning, completely forgotten about the call with my dad.

“What’s going on with you?” His secure, steady voice asks, grounding me.

“Nothin’ dad,” I murmur, rubbing my eyes and looking out the window into the street, eyeing every dark haired woman just in case they were Izara.

“Paige Madison.”

I groan. I might be 23-years-old but my dad’s stern voice turns me into a teenager without fail each time.

“You’re comin’ to the first game still, right?”

“Yes, of course,” he says, like it’s obvious. “Why?”

“Nothin’, just miss you,” I mumble, coming up with an excuse for my low mood - though it wasn’t far off. Everytime I felt sad or anxious I just wanted my dad.

“I miss you too, kid. You know you just say the word and I’m there, okay?”

“No I know, I know. I’m just tired I think,” I sigh, my chest warming at my dad’s comforting words.

“Uh oh,” he starts. “Paige Madison… Don’t tell me.”

“Huh? Tell you what?”

“Is this about a girl?” He asks.

I pause, coming to a halt with my pacing. “Hu- I- What?!”

“You always say “I’m just tired” when you got a girl on your mind,” my dad laughs, doing a horrible impression of me.

“No!” I argue a little too fast and a little too passionately. “I mean, no. Just tired. Long practice.”

“Mhm alright,” my dad mumbles, an amused tone in his voice that irritates me in a way only a parent could. “So no girl?”

“No dadddd,” I whine like a teenage girl. “There’s no girl.”

I didn’t like lying to him. I wanted to tell him all about Izara. I knew my dad would adore that girl. He always said I needed a woman to keep me in check - Izzie did just that. But I also didn’t want to tell my dad about this girl knowing it likely wasn’t going to go anywhere, especially now that she had been hiding from me since our kiss.

“Okay dad tell Drew I said hi and I’ll play Fortnite with him tomorrow,” I say into the phone, ready to hang up.

“Okay kid, love you.”

“Love you dad.”

The silence is deafening, again. Like it used to be before I became friends with Iz. I felt alone, anxious, my head spinning with thoughts I couldn’t turn off. I thought she was mature enough to handle this like two adults. If she just wanted to be friends then she could just tell me, at least we could continue our friendship like that.

But usually when I kissed a girl, they didn’t run away like this. Quite the opposite. Did she not like the way I kissed? Was I off my game? Maybe the tongue was too much? Maybe she didn’t like my outfit. I’m a good kisser, I know I am. Good enough to get girls into bed with ease. So what is the trouble now? And I also know that that was the best kiss I had ever had. That our lips fit together just right. Fuck this girl had me going out of my mind. And now I just had to wait for her to reach out, it didn’t feel fair.

No. It wasn’t fair. Why did I have to wait for her? Who said I had to? Fuck that.

Too frenzied to even throw a shirt over my sports bra, I walk downstairs determined, knocking on Izara’s door angrily, preparing a speech of everything I’d been thinking the past few days: Look, Izzie, we’re both adults. You clearly think the kiss was a mistake. But avoiding me and acting like this is ridiculous and stupid and we don’t need to be acting like teenage-

“Paige?”

Izzie opens the door, voice weak and nasally. She’s in a pale pink pyjama set, hair up in a clip and nose red and irritated. She wasn’t lying. Definitely not. She is sick.

Quick, improvise.

“Uh, hey,” I mumble, my cheeks turning pink, her red eyes staring up at me reminiscent of Saturday night and the moments before our kiss on the balcony. “Trey told me you were sick.”

She chuckles, looking down at her dishevelled appearance and returns her gaze to me. “How did you know,” she jokes. She’s acting like nothing happened between us. How could she act like that? I guess it’s better than if she actually had been avoiding me.

“Was worried, haven’t seen you since… The party,” I say unsurely.

“Uh… Yeah. Crazy party huh,” Izzie says almost to herself. “Well, anyway, thanks for checking in but I’m perfectly okay. Just a cold and I think it’s passing.”

She begins to close the door but I grab it, holding it open.

“You been resting?” I ask concerned.

The girl shrugs. “Well at first but now I’m just getting bored so I’ve been doing some work from home.”

“Izzie…”

“What?”

“You gotta be restin’ if you’re sick,” I argue, which makes the girl roll her eyes.

“I’m fine Paige,” she answers, but I step inside.

“Let me in.”

“No, you’ll get sick,” she complains but I shake my head.

“I won’t. I’m built different.”

Izzie laughs, deciding it was pointless to try to argue and lets me in.

Her apartment is spotless as always, laptop open on her dining table with schedules and notebooks piled next to it. This bitch hadn’t been resting, no she’s been working and cleaning.

“Izzie!” I groan and close the laptop.

“Shoes! Shoes shoes shoes!” She yelps, voice breaking as she does.

“‘M sorry!” I gasp and take my sneakers off quickly, placing them neatly by the entrance. I feel her eyes fixed on me.

“Do you ever wear a shirt?” She asks, blowing her stuffy nose, which makes me let out a single laugh.

“Why, you want me to?” I ask confidently, easily falling into the same effortlessness as before.

My words make the girl blush. Perhaps the kiss wasn’t that bad? Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe I should just ask… Ask what?! If the kiss was good?! Bro… Get a grip.

“Well you’re going to get cold, it’s freezing here,” she tells me, turning away and walking to the couch where pillows are neatly arranged, an expensive looking blanket neatly folded on the armrest. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it definitely was not cold, that her apartment was scorching hot already making me sweat.

“Yo, you’re kidding right?” I laugh as I watch her somewhat pitifully curling up against the corner of the couch on her single throw pillow.

“What?”

“Iz, you’re sick!”

“Wow, thanks for rubbing it in my face,” she says nasally, blowing her nose again.

“Bro, that pillow is just sad! You need a nest,” I gasp, walking to her bedroom.

“Wait wait wait, it’s a mess in there,” she yelps, following after me. Mess, it is not. There is one hoodie on the bed, which is unmade. That’s it. I pull the heavy blanket off her bed, grabbing all four pillows and walking decisively to the couch with the dark-haired girl on my tail.

“What are you doing?” She asks as I begin to set up each pillow into a nest against the corner of the couch. She’s grabbing my arm and peeking at my actions from behind my back, clearly confused.

“I’m makin’ you a nest,” I explain, brows furrowing as I focus. This is serious business. “My stepmom does this when we’re sick.”

“A nest?” Izzie laughs.

“Yeah, get in,” I order, grabbing the girl’s shoulders and sitting her down. “Now lie back. Get comfy.”

Hesitating for a moment, Izzie curls up against the pillows as I place the blanket over her, watching as she gets comfortable with a smile on her face.

“There you go,” I coo, trying her forehead which is burning hot. “You have a fever Iz, I’m gonna get you some meds.”

“Paige, you don’t have to do this,” she sighs, looking up at me softly. I want to lean down and kiss her again. Instead, I bring my hand to her warm cheek, stroking it softly. She looks vulnerable, gentle for once. It made me want her even more.

“Lemme take care of you ma.”

She doesn’t comment on the nickname, matter of fact there’s a hint of a smile on her face when she nods.

“The cabinet above the microwave.”

“Got it,” I tell her, pretty much scurrying to the kitchen, gathering everything you could think - water, painkillers, nose spray, I even cut up some fruit for her. But when I return the poor girl is in her nest, cuddled up, fast asleep. It hurts my heart to wake her up, but she needs these meds in her.

“Iz,” I murmur carefully, brushing dark locks away from her face. She blinks herself awake, rubbing her face. Everything about it makes me want to wrap her in my arms and never let anyone close in case they hurt her.

“Fuck, I fell asleep,” she yawns. “I’m sorry I’m a mess.”

“You’re sick ma,” I remind her, sitting next to the girl on the couch and watching as she takes her medicine.

“This is so embarrassing,” she murmurs, sipping on the glass of water. Her cheeks are bright red, hair undone and eyes tired - I swear it’s the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her look.

“Izara,” I say sternly. “You’re sick, lemme help.”

“You’re gonna get sick too, and you have your first game soon love.”

“I’ll be fine, I got mad immune system powers.”

She giggles. “Immune system powers?”

“You heard,” I nod, fighting a grin. She coughs a little.

“Paige?”

Oh God. She’s gonna bring up the kiss now. I know it. I can feel it.

“Y-yeah?”

She takes a deep breath. “Can we watch Lady and The Tramp?”

“How are you already crying?” Paige asks with a giggle, leaning against the opposite corner of the couch.

“Lady as a puppy always makes me cry! How could it not?” I sniffle, wiping my nose, watching the scene where Lady doesn’t want to sleep in her dog bed, the poor puppy crying for her dad.

The blonde is chewing on an apple in her sports bra and black Nike sweats, muscles grown more prominent over her training period with the Wings, arms bigger, shoulders wider, outline of the muscles on her abdomen faintly visible even as she slouches.

“What kinda names are Darling and Jimmy Dear anyway?” She asks, dramatically frustrated.

“Paige, you’re slow,” I laugh. “Lady thinks those are their names because they call each other those as like, pet names darling.”

The blond thinks for a while, and then grins. “Oh.”

We both burst into a choir of laughter, though it feels rough against my scratchy throat. Still, I could feel the medication already making me feel better. Or maybe it was the company.

My mind had been a mess after I escaped the party. I felt embarrassed, childish even for running away like I did, leaving Paige high and dry. Once I woke up the next morning it was hard to figure out what truly happened and what was my mind playing tricks on me. But I knew the kiss really took place the moment I remembered it, the weight of Paige’s kiss a mere memory on my lips. One wouldn’t forget a kiss like that. It was impossible.

Getting sick had been a lucky coincidence, giving me time to think and take some distance from the situation. I found it impossible to figure out where my desire for Paige and desire for physical contact differed. I couldn’t tell if I was just lonely. Or if I really liked her. I never considered it, me having feelings (if you could call it that) for a girl again. But now as she sat there, looking like that, I wanted nothing but to get on her. To climb onto her lap and kiss her again like we had on the balcony. Without the drunken hue, just us feeling each other.

Even as sick as I am, the familiar burn and ache that always showed up around the blonde begins to grow between my legs, making me squirm. Fuck, maybe I did like her. All I knew I definitely wasn’t in a place to start anything - that no matter what this was it would have to stay casual. I haven’t gotten rid of the ghost of my past relationship. No, not at all. I could see it looming around every corner, peeking through windows, just right outside my line of vision. I wasn’t ready.

Paige’s hand comes over to my bare feet poking out of the blanket, bringing them to her lap and beginning to rub them almost as if subconsciously, like unaware of the entire thing. Except her cheeks turn red as she does. My entire body relaxes, and I let her. For almost half of the movie she massages each toe, the arch of my foot, my ankle, leaving goosebumps everywhere.

“I’m cold,” I complain, pulling my feet back under the blanket, feeling like a block of ice.

“I’m so hot,” Paige groans, now more invested in the movie, making small comments here and there.

“Lucky,” I groan which makes her snicker.

“Scooch,” The blonde tells me. Before I can resist she’s made her way under the blanket, into the nest, lying behind me and wrapping an arm around my waist. I fit in her arms perfectly, like I was made to be her counterpart, born to be in her arms like this, every curve of her body slotting with mine just right. My ass pressing into her, the blonde’s chin brushing against my shoulder, hot breath tickling against my ear nearly making me moan. Fuck.

“I- I thought you were hot,” I mumble, beginning to lose my composure.

“But you’re cold,” she murmurs into my ear, nose nuzzling into my hair as we keep watching the movie. Though I can’t concentrate. Even on my favourite movie. My head spinning too fast, speeding up even more when my pyjama top hikes up and Paige’s fingertips rub circles against my lower stomach, dangerously close to dipping into my pyjama pants.

“P-paige,” I almost whisper, my voice coming out breathy.

“Mhm?” The blonde’s voice is shaky too, a hoarse hum straight into my ear making me even wetter than I already am.

“You’re gonna get sick,” I remind her, my chest heaving.

“I’m good,” she breathes out, shifting a little, her head fitting just in the crook of my neck. Perfectly. “Are you?”

She’s asking for consent, I can tell. To dip her fingers underneath the band, to slide them into my panties. And God I want to give it to her. To let her have her way with me. The temptation is growing nearly impossible to resist.

“I-” I nearly say it. But then I shift to my back, to meet her gaze. Paige’s face is flushed, nostrils flaring as she breathes, hand remaining on my bare stomach. “How are you feeling about the game?”

“Oh, uhh,” Paige is taken aback, pulling her hand back to my dismay, bringing it to her jaw and rubbing it. “I mean, I haven’t really thought about it if I’m honest? I’m excited to see my dad and Dorka.”

“She went to Uconn with you, right?”

The blonde nods. “I mean issa big moment for sure, but I just wanna take it one day at a time.”

I hesitate. “Are you not nervous at all?”

She lets out a single laugh and looks around the room. “Nah I am. Just tryna keep my mind off it.”

I nod, understanding. I wish I could carry some of her worry, I could tell she was more nervous than she let on. But instead of talking I slide my hand into hers, which seems to comfort the girl more than words, her blue eyes locking with mine. She’s thinking, mulling something over in her head. I can tell.

“The party… Iz, I-”

“Shh,” I tell her before she can keep going, my throat going dry, the ache between my thighs nearly painful. I wasn’t ready to talk, at all. All I wanted was to feel it again, the weight of her lips on mine. So bad I felt dizzy.

“Nah, Izzie, c’mon. I think we both feel we-”

“Paige?”

“Yeah mama?”

“Kiss me.”

It makes no sense. But I don’t hesitate. Leaning down, my lips crashing into hers with such hunger it makes me uncharacteristically whine. My body is on fire, every inch burning up as our lips slide against one another, boxers growing damp quickly. My hand carefully holds her cheek, like the girl next to me might break. But to my surprise she pulls me on top of her by the back of my head.

I’m tasting for every inch of her, slowing down and taking my time, unlike that drunken mess on the balcony. Somehow this is even better, the kiss of the century even. Her body is cool to the touch, a sign of the fever going down. But I barely register, kissing her bottom lip affectionately, my hands holding her face. Izzie responds, her teeth pulling on my lip harshly making me groan. Her warm tongue brushes over it, soothingly.

I open my mouth further, my tongue meeting hers, other hand moving to the bare waist of the girl underneath me. I can’t believe this is real. That I’m kissing Izara. It feels like some type of dream, but the ache between my legs proves that every second is real. That she’s really underneath me. And If I’m feeling my core throbbing just from the kiss, I’m certain the dark haired girl feels something similar and the idea of my girl feeling such pain and not having it taken care of breaks my heart.

So my thumb dips underneath the band of her satin pyjama pants, feeling the lace of her underwear as it does. Zari lets out a shaky whimper, her eyes fluttering open.

“Paige,” she whines, brows furrowing.

“Yeah?” I ask breathlessly, leaning down to kiss under her ear which makes her squirm under my weight.

“C-can you keep your hands,” another moan as I suck on her neck, careful not to leave a mark. Izara didn’t seem like the type of woman you marked. “On top of the clothes.”

God she’s gonna be the death of me. But I oblige happily, pulling my hand back to her bare waist.

“Whatever you want Izzie,” I say between ragged breaths, making the girl moan as I keep kissing her neck. Izara’s hands wrap around my back, long acrylics scratching at the skin there.

“Shit,” I cuss under my breath, feeling like I might die or cum in my pants if I don’t get to have her. Still, I keep kissing her, fully aware what a privilege it was just to be on her like this. I do everything to try to stay composed, to keep my cool, to focus on putting on my best show as I return back to sloppily kissing her lips, shifting on top of her, my other hand beside Izzie’s face to hold me up.

As I move my hips, my knee presses into her core, against the sheer fabric of the pajamas making her gasp straight into my mouth. I repeat the movement with purpose now, and can feel the heat radiating off her, the fabric between her legs growing damp. She wants this just as bad as I do.

“Lemme keep going, please,” I whimper, brows furrowed and barely conscious of what is happening at this point. “Lemme help ma, won’t even touch you.”

Her face is contorted with need, chest heaving desperately.

“It hurts don’t it? Lemme help,” I coo, my lips wrapping around her earlobe and sucking softly. “Please.”

“Paige,” she whimpers, her body shaking with need. But I feel her shift, legs wrapping around my body. “Please.”

Oh God, I might actually cum in my sweats.

I kiss her all over, her neck, bare shoulders, mind spinning with need, my cunt growing wetter and wetter with every moan that leaves Izzie’s lips as I push my knee against her core, gently, so as to not hurt her.

“P-paige,” she moans my name. My name.

“Ohh fuck,” I cuss, squeezing my eyes shut at the way her voice sounds, deep and gravelly, turning more high-pitched each time I grind my knee into her cunt.

“Let me get you right ma, please,” I beg breathlessly, shaking my head to myself trying to keep myself present. “Please, Iz, would do anything to fuck you,”

She’s speechless, whimpering desperately, but I can feel her muscles turning tense from the pleasure I’m giving her, legs shaking gently.

“Would be so good, just lemme eat that pussy,” I moan into her ear. “Gimme five.”

Pulling back, I meet her gaze. Her contorted face, dark brows furrowed and lips parted, green eyes blown out black. This is the most beautiful she has ever looked. Easily. Could look at her like this forever.

I can tell she’s considering, mulling it over in her head. Just as her lips part the ring of her phone interrupts the moment, the obnoxious sound blaring over the movie playing in the back. Of course. I can never have anything good. Just little tastes.

“Fuck,” Izzie mumbles and abruptly sits up as if suddenly thinking clearly. I climb off her, watching as she fumbles to find her phone.

“Here,” I catch it, handing it to her. It’s Kiran, her brother.

“Fuck, I promised I’d help him with his paper,” she groans, still trying to catch her breath.

“Uh, okay,” I murmur, attempting to catch mine, awkwardly shifting further on the couch, watching as the girl gets up and walks into the bedroom, closing the door behind her, leaving me there once again. Wanting more.

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#so it goes #lilas writing #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers x fem oc #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers smut #wnba x oc #paige bueckers fanfic

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recursive-muse · 20 hours ago

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Well I suppose to start off, obviously trans misogyny "isn't real" it's not made of matter, it exists in a very loose sense as a general pattern of discriminatory and cruel behavior directed mostly, but not exclusively at trans women. But I suppose you'd want me to ask you how can something that isn't even made of matter have definitive qualities? It can't be set in stone or 'definitive' any more than Christmas or the qualities of a unicorn can be.

So while you can be correct or incorrect about the particular details of an instance of discrimination experienced by a particular person (be they trans or otherwise). There are no concrete rules as to how anyone is discriminated against, just general guidelines that people learn from each other by watching their behavior.

So I suppose it's true that if you insist on narrowly defining trans misogyny as a form of discrimination that is both a) uniquely experienced by trans women, and b) defined by trans women as a collective. Then it's true that no such thing exists as the particulars of how and why discrimination is doled out are decided by the discriminator in the instance of discrimination, and instances of mistaken identity are fairly common (i.e. a trans man or cis woman could be mistaken for a trans woman, or vice versa).

What's more, It's not at all clear how you intend for point b of your definition of trans misogyny to work. Do all trans women need to attend a meeting to agree on the definition, do they put it to a vote or is it by consensus, and if it is how much variance in the understanding of the definition is tolerable? How closely does someone have to identify with womanhood to count as part of this community and how many members need to be present for them to hold quorum?

This is all of course in jest, we both know there is no one definition of trans misogyny that all trans women agree to, there are some generalities but every definition has its detractors and there is no binding consensus. This too is another vague social construct that lacks definitive qualities.

As for your conjecture that I am either 'misusing' or 'misdefining' the word trans misogyny which you somewhat unhelpfully declined to define yourself. I don't see how that's possible when language itself is socially constructed. Now yes, there are prescriptive, academic, and dictionary definitions, all of which can be quite helpful in clarifying what we mean when we use certain words. But as I'm sure you've noticed with slang people can say whatever they like and meen whatever they like by it and as long as they're understood by some subset of the population they've successfully used language. Now I know it's tempting to say that slang isn't 'official', but as you may have guessed the official quality of anything is also socially constructed (see aren't social constructs fun, we're 'surrounded' by them all the time and yet we hardly ever get around to recognizing them as such). As again I'm sure you've noticed definitions can vary from one dictionary to the next and academics themselves can quarrel over the precise details of any given definition, while still agreeing on the broader points. So there are no 'definitive' definitions just ones that are agreed upon by groups of experts, but even then who gets to be an expert, how much schooling do they need, if groups disagree how should they resolve their differences? These questions have plenty of practical answers, but no correct ones.

You also seem to imply that you have some sort of information that I lack which would better clarify your point. Now I very much doubt that, but I suppose you can claim it to be true, I don't care. Then you imply that my points are for some reason 'despicable' I'm guessing you want me to interpret this as some sort of unsubstantiated moral claim, tho I don't understand what you mean by it. Honestly, I see it as an emotional reaction to my position different from your own, or perhaps you simply dislike my phrasing. Either way, my positions are correct and I don't care why you dislike them, they are factual after all.

To round this out I'll clarify two more points for you. I'm gender fluid, and I have a degree in sociology. So there, I hope this hasn't ruined your day or anything. Personally I don't really think that matters, but there it is.

“everyone talking about transmisogyny is a binary trans woman, as evidenced by the fact that I assume everyone talking about transmisogyny is a binary trans woman”

sigh

#Well I sincerely hope you didn't think I was done

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childrenofcain-if · 2 days ago

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After knowing that C and MC were in the same high school, I'm rooting even more for them. I'm also guessing C's confusing feelings for us in their route is them liking us since school? That's so freaking cute 🥰🥺

Can I ask for a scenario where they have a group project with other people and one of them gets very flirty with MC? Will C let that slide, I wonder 🫤

the diner sat on the corner of a street that tried its hardest to look charming but failed, the neon sign buzzing faintly against the rain-streaked window.

it was one of those places that seemed plucked from a movie set: vinyl booths, chrome napkin dispensers, and a jukebox in the corner that hadn’t worked since the last century. the smell of grease hung heavy in the atmosphere, mixing with the faint sweetness of syrup from the breakfast specials they served all day.

you sat in the booth, tapping your pen against the edge of your notebook, watching the door with mild dread. when C walked in, you knew the meeting was about to get infinitely more complicated.

C spotted you immediately, their sharp chalcedony green eyes narrowing like they’d been assigned a particularly irritating math problem. they weren’t dressed for the rain, but their aldervale prep blazer was immaculate, not a drop of water on it, as though the universe had conspired to shield them from the rain outside. although, you guessed it was most probably because of the black umbrella that they were carrying.

C slid into the booth across from you without a word, placing a pristine leather notebook on the table. their pen—silver, of course—clicked once. twice. a quick rhythm that made your teeth itch.

“you’re late,” you said.

“i’m exactly on time,” C replied, their voice clipped like the word ‘time’ had too many syllables and they were doing you a favor by saying it quickly.

your two other group members—darcy and lowe—arrived moments later, looking both nervous and excited, as though they’d stumbled into the VIP lounge of a club they didn’t belong to.

darcy, her backpack practically bursting with highlighters, was vibrating with energy. lowe looked more like they’d been dragged here against their will, though their eyes lit up when they spotted the milkshake menu.

you exchanged pleasantries, ordered drinks, and got down to business.

the topic was seattle, your city, and you were supposed to collectively dissect and analyze for the sake of some interdisciplinary project that combined geography, economics, and, for reasons you still didn’t understand, poetry.

“seattle,” you began, flipping open your notebook, “has many layers to it. you have the tech billionaires building spaceships on one side and grunge bands writing songs about the end of the world on the other. i think we should focus on how those contradictions make it unique.”

“that’s pretty reductive,” C cut in, not bothering to look up from their notebook. “seattle’s economy is primarily driven by tech, aviation, and trade. if we’re going to present a meaningful analysis, we should focus on its economic impact on washington state as a whole.”

darcy and lowe exchanged nervous glances. you clenched your jaw.

“not everything has to be about numbers, lacroix,” you said. “people care about stories, not spreadsheets. we can talk about the economy, sure, but we should start with what makes the city feel alive. the art, the culture—”

“and completely ignore the practical context?” C’s gaze lifted then, their expression somewhere between exasperation and boredom. “that’s like writing about a chess game and leaving out the strategy. completely pointless.”

“it’s not exactly pointless if it makes people care,” you shot back.

the argument spiraled from there, gaining momentum like a runaway train. darcy and lowe sat frozen, their eyes darting between you like spectators at a particularly intense boxing match.

“maybe we should, uh, toss a coin?” darcy offered weakly, her voice barely audible over your bickering.

C smirked, pulling a coin from their pocket as though they’d been waiting for this moment to occur this whole time. you selected tails and they flipped it, caught it, and slapped it onto the back of their hand.

“heads,” they announced, triumphant.

you groaned. “of course.”

“don’t be a sore loser, starkid,” C said, their tone practically dripping with smugness. “we’ll just have to do it my way this time.”

“fine,” you muttered, slumping back against the booth.

the tension eased slightly as the waitress arrived with your food—burgers, fries, and milkshakes that lowe declared were ‘the best in the neighbourhood’ despite never having tried any others.

you talked about school, about the upcoming math test and the cafeteria food which had reduced in quality after some new kitchen staff got employed. darcy was surprisingly funny, and lowe had a good bank of knowledge on obscure sports trivia.

C, however, remained quiet. they ate slowly, like each bite was a boring task to be completed. their posture was rigid, their eyes rarely leaving their plate.

it wasn’t until the conversation turned to favorite places in washington that you noticed something shift. darcy was talking about summers spent hiking in olympic national park, her voice full of nostalgia. lowe mentioned a family road trip to mount rainier.

“so, lacroix,” you said, turning towards the grumpy brunette. “penny for your thoughts?”

they blinked, clearly startled that you’d addressed them directly. “i... i’ve never been to any of those places.”

the table fell silent. even darcy looked surprised.

“seriously?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

they shrugged, their gaze fixed on the condensation dripping down the water glass. “i haven’t lived in washington as long as you all have. besides, i’m not exactly the adventurous type. i just… don’t see the point of, you know, wandering around aimlessly. it’s not like the city’s going anywhere.”

darcy, being the idealist she was, tried to lift the mood. “well, maybe you should visit some of those places one day! olympic’s amazing—especially the hoh rainforest.”

C didn’t respond. they just nodded, their lips pressed into a thin line.

for a moment, you felt something almost like sympathy. C, the untouchable perfectionist, didn’t seem know how to belong in places like this—in diners that smelled like burnt coffee, in conversations that meandered without purpose. they were as out of place here as a chessboard at a football game.

you then frowned, something tugging at the edges of your chest. you remembered hearing something once—maybe in passing, maybe during some rare moment of C opening up in class—that their parents had divorced when they were ten. that they’d moved to seattle from rochester, new york, with their mother, who worked long hours and didn’t have time for much else.

you didn’t know why you said it. maybe it was the way their voice had dipped, the way their composure seemed dulled. but the words came anyway. “maybe we could all go somewhere. for the project, i mean.”

C’s head snapped up, their green eyes narrowing like they were trying to decipher a riddle. for a moment, you thought they were going to say something cruel—an insult that’d have you getting angry again. but then their gaze softened, just a fraction.

“why?” they asked, the word almost inaudible.

you shrugged, suddenly self-conscious. “i don’t know. it might help. plus, you can’t live like a hermit forever while you’re at washington.”

they stared at you for what felt like a long time, their expression unreadable. then, to your surprise, they nodded. wordlessly, awkwardly.

you thought you saw something flicker across their face then—something like a smile, small and fleeting, gone almost as quickly as it came.

for the rest of the meeting, C avoided your gaze. and as you all filed out of the diner, the rain starting up again in soft patters against the window, you found yourself wondering why you’d even offered.

but the truth was, you already knew. sometimes, your heart reached out before your brain could catch up. and for reasons you didn’t fully understand at the moment, it had reached for them.

the day began under a gauzy layer of mist that hung low over seattle. the clouds seemed reluctant to rise and the air carried a faint, damp chill.

lowe’s BMW 5 smelled faintly of peppermint gum and an air freshener that promised ‘ocean breeze’ but delivered something closer to what you’d find at a more eccentric section of bath & body works.

you sat on the passenger seat, your elbow resting against the door, the window cracked open to let in the air. darcy and C were in the backseat, the former preoccupied with her camera, snapping pictures of the dashboard, the sky, and the brunette beside her, who looked like they were already regretting agreeing to this trip.

the car wove its way through the city, past coffee shops with hand-painted signs and streets lined with rain-slicked trees.

lowe, ever the conversationalist, started talking about the destination—a landmark tucked away in one of seattle’s greener corners. but at some point, the conversation shifted, becoming less about the destination and more about you.

“y’know,” lowe said, their voice taking on a teasing lilt as they glanced at you, “i’m really happy we’re doing this. i was always curious about how it’d be to hang out with you outside of school”

you blinked, caught off guard. “um, thanks? that’s nice of you to say.” you gave them a polite smile, the kind you might offer a friendly cashier.

C, sitting stiffly in the backseat, was less amused. they had been glaring at the back of lowe’s head for the past ten minutes, their jaw tight, their arms crossed. every tap of lowe’s fingers, every casual joke, seemed to grate on them like nails on a chalkboard.

darcy, oblivious, was busy snapping pictures with her camera, capturing the rain-slick streets and the way the trees blurred as the car sped past. she hummed under her breath, the shutter clicking steadily, her energy so light and cheerful it was almost its own soundtrack.

finally, C, who had been silent up until now, shifted in their seat with a sharp huff.

“lowe,” they spoke up, their tone clipped, “maybe focus on the road instead of hitting on that idiot right in front of us.”

you squawked in indignation at being called an ‘idiot,’ not exactly getting what else they were implying.

meanwhile, lowe startled, their hands tightening on the steering wheel. “what? i wasn’t—” they caught C’s glare in the rearview mirror and quickly relented. “right. sorry. road. eyes on the road.”

you glanced back at C, confused by the sudden shift in the mood. their jaw was tight, their arms crossed over their chest, and they avoided your gaze entirely. you thought about asking what their problem was but decided against it. the day was too early, and you didn’t want to start bickering already.

the destination turned out to be kerry park. you stepped out of the car and stretched, looking around with a grin. your group followed suit and, after taking your backpacks, trudged up the steep streets of queen anne.

the park was small, unassuming—just a sliver of land carved into the hill, a place where the city stretched out beneath you like a quilt stitched together by architects, lovers of symmetry, and disarray alike.

from here, seattle wasn’t a city so much as a panorama, framed by the wide arms of the sound and the occasional, fleeting glimpses of mount rainier, pale and insubstantial like the ghost of a mountain in the distance.

the rain hadn’t yet started, though the air smelled of wet concrete and petrichor, gave you an indication that it wouldn’t hold off for long.

darcy had already pulled her camera out, its strap slung around her neck as she wandered a few feet ahead, her voice rising and falling as she described the perfect angles for her shots. lowe was by your side, gesturing dramatically at the view as if they were a tour guide instead of a co-conspirator.

C, who had followed at a distance and was now leaning against a nearby rail, their arms crossed and their face set in a scowl.

“lacroix,” you called over your shoulder, your tone light, inviting. “you should come and look around with us. it��s cool.”

they raised an eyebrow, their expression unimpressed. “thrilling, i’m sure.”

lowe shot them a weird look but said nothing, their attention soon snapping to follow darcy on her photoshoots.

you turned fully to face C. “you don’t have to be so grumpy, you know.”

“i’m not grumpy,” they snapped grumpily.

you sighed, letting it go for now. instead, you wandered over to the railing where they stood, resting your elbows on the cool metal as you gazed out at the view.

“this place means a lot to me,” you began, glancing at C. they didn’t respond, but they didn’t walk away either, so you took that as permission to continue.

“when i was little, my dad used to bring me here. we’d spend hours looking at the birds. he had this old, beat-up field guide he carried everywhere. i still remember the smell of it—old paper and leather. he’d flip through it so fast, trying to identify every bird we saw. i think he liked the challenge of it.”

C’s features softened, almost imperceptibly, as they listened.

“there was this one time,” you said, your voice growing warm with the memory, “we saw a bald eagle perched on one of the trees. it was so close, you could see the feathers on its chest ruffling in the wind. my dad was so excited, he nearly dropped his binoculars in a muddy puddle.”

you laughed. C smiled. it was not their usual arrogant smirk, but something too genuine to be described without it being an understatement.

even darcy noticed as she was snapping pictures of passers-by under the railing where you and C were leaning against.

from behind her camera, she whispered, “i think i just saw a miracle,” before snapping a picture.

in the photo, you were looking up at the sky, your face alight with wonder. and beside you, C was looking at you—not the sky, not the birds, but you. their expression was so unguarded, so tender, it made darcy pause, her finger hovering over the shutter button.

“and it’s not just the view or the birds,” you continued, your voice picking up momentum as you spoke. “there’s this whole history to it. did you know the park was named after albert sperry kerry? he was this big real estate guy in the early 1900s. probably bulldozed a lot of land to make a fortune. but this place? this tiny slice of the city? he gave it back. said he wanted people to have a place to breathe, to see things differently.”

you glanced over at C, expecting the usual sardonic remark, but they were watching you with an expression you didn’t expect—soft, almost eager, like they could never get tired of you talking about things like these.

“i guess i just like thinking about that,” you said, your voice trailing off as you turned back to the horizon. “how even someone who takes and takes can give something so beautiful.”

for a long moment, neither of you spoke. then, quietly, C said, “you really are a nerd, aren’t you?”

you laughed, the sound bright and unexpected, and while you didn’t have C laughing alongside you, you had a distinct feeling that they were too distracted by a certain someone to do so.

lunch was a quiet affair. you all sat on a damp wooden bench overlooking the trees. you plopped down beside C without a second thought, your shoulder brushing theirs as you unwrapped your sandwich.

C stiffened, their gaze flicking to you in surprise.

“you don’t mind, do you?” you asked, already halfway through your first bite.

they shook their head, though they looked puzzled, as if trying to understand why you’d willingly sit next to them when lowe was right there, still buzzing with laughter after a joke darcy shared with them.

“thanks for listening to me earlier,” you said softly.

C cleared their throat, their voice rough when they replied, “no problem.”

you still gave them a smile despite their (apparent) surly mood before turning back to your sandwich.

C looked down at their own food, their expression unreadable, but there was a faint hint of pink dusting the tip of their ears.

maybe, C concluded, the whole practical aspects of the project could take a backseat for now. it seemed like they didn’t mind focusing on the people of the city after all—or maybe it was just this infuriatingly intelligent seattle native that they couldn’t stop smiling for.

you wondered if the extreme makeover crew ever came to take darcy’s house as an inspiration for a lot of their renovations. it was a gleaming two-storey in a neighborhood where the lawns were manicured to within an inch of their lives and the houses all had names like “birchwood” or “côte d’azur.”

her parents were insanely successful real estate agents and it showed in every detail, from the perfectly symmetrical hydrangeas flanking the front door to the wrought-iron chandelier hanging in the entryway.

her room was a microcosm of the house itself: spacious and spotless. honestly, it made you want to take your shoes off just to avoid dirtying the carpet.

the walls were painted a muted teal, lined with shelves holding an army of books and a smattering of knick-knacks from trips abroad. there was a citrus-like scent around, and her plush white comforter made her bed look like a stratocumulus cloud.

you all sat cross-legged on her floor, laptops and papers spread out in a semi-circle as you planned out your presentation. ‘soren’ by beabadoobee was playing from darcy’s bluetooth speaker and the conversation was punctuated with bursts of laughter—mostly lowe’s loud, carefree chuckles and darcy’s softer, chiming giggles.

C, true to form, sat slightly apart, their long legs folded under them, their expression guarded but not unkind. they were listening more than talking, as always, their gaze darting between everyone like they were trying to keep up without wanting to look too interested.

“okay, but what if we start with the history of seattle, like the gold rush and all that, and then connect it to how the city evolved into this tech hub?” you suggested, glancing at C for approval.

the green-eyed brunette nodded once, their expression unreadable. “that works. it gives us a narrative to build on.”

lowe sidled up to you with an encouraging smile. “you’re always full of good ideas. i swear we’re going to ace this project at this rate.”

you laughed lightly, not catching the undertone. “it’s a group effort, lowe.”

“yeah, lowe,” darcy said, rolling her eyes in an annoyed manner from her spot near the window. “you’re really laying it on thick.”

you tried to smile it off but you couldn’t help but notice that she seemed almost... angry at lowe about something. the latter, on the other hand, was not meeting her eyes at all.

as if that wasn’t weird enough, you caught C stiffening out of the corner of your eye, their fingers tightening around their pen.

the awkwardness simmered quietly for a while, manifesting only in the way C’s responses grew shorter, their gaze darting less toward the group and more toward the window, where the rain streaked against the glass.

it wasn’t until lowe leaned closer to you, their voice dropping just enough to feel pointed, that the tension finally broke. “y’know, if you ever want to grab coffee or something after all this, i know a great place near pike place. it’s got this cozy corner that’d be perfect for—”

“i’m getting some water,” C announced abruptly, standing so quickly their chair scraped loudly against the floor.

the room fell silent for a beat as C walked away, their footsteps echoing down the hall. darcy glanced at you, then at lowe, and then back at you.

“you should go talk to them,” she said softly.

“what?” you asked, surprised.

“just... go,” she urged, nodding toward the door. “i think they need to hear from you.”

you hesitated, your gaze flicking between the door and the others. but there was something in the way darcy looked at you, a quiet insistence that made you realise the urgency she was feeling. besides, with the way she turned her attention to lowe with a scathing glare, you did not want to get in between whatever they had going on.

so you stood, mumbling something about being right back, and headed for the kitchen.

you found C by the sink, their back to you, their hands braced against the counter. the faucet was running, though the glass they were holding was still empty.

“hey,” you said tentatively, stepping into the room.

they didn’t turn around. “what do you want?”

“i just... wanted to check on you,” you said, your voice faltering. “you looked kind of... i don’t know, upset?”

C finally turned, their chalcedony green gaze indecipherable and cagey. “i’m fine. you can go back to lowe now. you two were having such a great time.”

their tone was harsh, and it made you blink in surprise.

“what are you talking about?” you asked, genuinely confused.

C rolled their eyes, the motion exaggerated, almost theatrical. “don’t play dumb. it was obvious you two were flirting.”

you sighed, caught between disbelief and frustration. “we weren’t flirting. that’s probably just how lowe is. they were just being friendly.”

C let out a short, humorless laugh, the sound more of a bark. “you’re an absolute dunderhead if you believe that. lowe wasn’t just flirting for fun—they meant it.”

you felt heat rising to your face, your irritation bubbling over. “okay, first of all, stop insulting me. and second, would you please stop ruining everything with your assumptions.”

C flinched, just barely, but it was enough to make you pause. their voice dropped, colder now. “maybe i should’ve asked the teacher to switch groups. if my presence bothers you that much—”

“maybe you should have,” you shot back, the words slipping out before you could stop them. “then maybe we wouldn’t have to deal with you being a burden all the time.”

for a moment, the kitchen was deathly silent except for the faint patter of rain against the window. C’s face twisted, not with anger but with something closer to hurt, and you immediately regretted what you’d said.

“okay,” they said quietly, their voice flat. “i’ll let myself out then.”

before you could say anything, before you could take it back, they were already walking up to the front door and reaching for their umbrella, their movements mechanical as they stepped toward the door. the rain outside had picked up, a relentless downpour that blurred the edges of the world.

you wanted to say something, to fix the fracture you’d caused, but the words wouldn’t come out on time.

C stepped into the rain without hesitation, the door clicking shut behind them. you stood frozen, the echo of their retreating footsteps mingling with the sound of the storm.

your fists clenched and unclenched at your sides as you stared at the front door. you wanted to curse. to rewind the last five minutes and unsay every single word.

you ran a hand through your hair, muttering something unintelligible under your breath as you paced. your foot caught on the corner of the coffee table, and in your aggravation, you stumbled forward, knocking over the pile of photographs darcy had laid out so carefully.

“great,” you muttered, crouching down to gather the scattered pictures.

they were glossy and vibrant, capturing moments from your trip to kerry park just two days ago. you hadn’t paid much attention to them before, but now, as you picked up photo after photo, a pattern began to emerge.

in nearly every image, C was looking at you.

your fingers froze on a picture where their smile was so open, so completely unlike their usual self, that it felt almost like intruding on a scene you weren’t supposed to see. their dimples were unmistakable, softening the sharpness of their features in a way that made your heart skip a beat.

in another photo, they were standing slightly behind you, their chalcedony green eyes focused entirely on you as you pointed out something in the distance, completely oblivious to their adoring attention.

for a moment, you just sat there on the floor, staring at the pictures, the edges of the glossy paper dampening under your trembling fingers. then, as if pulled by an invisible string, you stood.

darcy had made her way to the living room and said something as you made for the door, but her words were lost to the roaring in your ears.

the rain hit you like a wall as you stepped outside, cold and relentless, soaking through your clothes in seconds. but you didn’t care. your feet moved on instinct, splashing through puddles as you ran down the street. it was a foolish thing to do, running in a storm like this, but every step felt like it was carrying you closer to something you couldn’t name but desperately needed to reach.

you didn’t know which way C went exactly, but you had a feeling.

and then, through the curtain of rain, you saw them.

C was standing under their umbrella, their posture stiff as they glanced down the street. the soft glow of their phone screen illuminated their face, but they weren’t scrolling or texting. they were waiting for an uber, probably. or maybe just waiting for the storm to pass.

you skidded to a stop, breathless and drenched. when they turned and spotted you, their eyes widened incredulously like you’d just teleported there.

“what the hell are you doing?” they demanded, their voice rising over the rain as they speed-walked up to you, umbrella in hand. they immediately held it over both of you, shielding you from the worst of the downpour. “have you finally lost your mind? you’re going to catch a cold!”

you were out of breath, your chest heaving as the water dripped from your lashes, but you didn’t care. “i’m sorry.”

C blinked, their mouth opening slightly as if they were going to argue, but you kept going. “i’m sorry for what i said. i didn’t mean it. you’re not a burden, C. i’ve never ever thought of you like that. the truth is—”

your words caught in your throat, the weight of them almost too much. but you forced them out. “the truth is, i’ve had a great time doing this project with you. i really didn’t mean any of it—about switching groups, about ruining things, you being a burden. i’m glad we got paired together, even if you drive me completely insane sometimes.”

“are you done?” they asked gruffly, though their tone lacked its usual edge.

you nodded sheepishly, your heart hammering against your ribs.

they sighed, lowering their gaze for a moment before meeting yours again. “i had a great time too. you... you made me see the city in a way i never had before. you made me appreciate it. i...” they sighed, “i was being too stubborn and i shouldn’t have given you a hard time with everything. and... i don’t mind your company, even if you’re way too dense sometimes to see what’s in front of you the whole time.”

the sincerity in their voice made your breath catch. right now, all you could do was stare at them and bask in the warmth they made you feel.

you admired the way their dark brown hair curled slightly at the edges, damp and clinging to their skin. the way the rain caught in their lashes, making their chalcedony green eyes glow as though a thousand hues were shifting like sunlight through sea glass. the way their fair skin seemed to glow faintly in the dim light, the sharpness of their cheekbones, the curve of their lips, soft and slightly parted.

they shifted under your gaze, their cheeks suddenly flushing pink.

“what?” they snapped. “why are you ogling me?”

but you didn’t answer. at least not with words.

before you could second-guess yourself, you stepped forward, leaning in until your lips brushed against theirs in a kiss that felt as inevitable as the rain falling around you.

C froze, their eyes wide in shock and disbelief before they pulled back, their fingers flying to their lips.

“i’m so sorry,” you blurted out, the heat rising to your face as you realized what you’d just done. your heart was sinking in absolute shame. “i—”

but before you could finish, C let the umbrella drop to the ground with a soft clatter. rain cascaded over both of you as they grabbed your face with trembling hands as they surged forward, their lips crashing against yours in a kiss that left no room for doubt.

the world seemed to fall away in that moment, leaving only the two of you, your hands tangling in the fabric of their rain-soaked sweater as their fingers threaded themselves in your wet hair. it was cold, sure, but their kiss was warm, searing, as if it had been waiting to catch sparks all along.

your clothes were drenched and your hair was practically plastered to your face, but it didn’t matter. nothing else mattered.

it wasn’t until the honk of a car horn shattered the moment that you finally broke apart, both of you panting as you turned to see the waiting uber that C had previously booked.

C’s face turned crimson as they also turned to look at the car, their expression mortified and exasperated at the same time.

“putain,” they muttered under their breath before grabbing your arm and their umbrella. they then shut it quickly and tugged you toward the vehicle.

the uber driver, to his credit, said nothing as you both slid into the backseat, though the faint twitch of his lips and the knowing look he gave you two in the rearview mirror didn’t go unnoticed.

“could this day get any more embarrassing?” C asked as they crossed their arms over their chest, staring determinedly out the window.

“uh huh,” you mumbled, still in a daze from what just happened.

“that was my first kiss, you know,” C muttered.

you turned to them, still not registering their words. “you’re so gorgeous.”

C scowled, their blush deepening. “shut up, you dolt. you’re not even listening to me.”

but when their hand crept over to cover yours, you couldn’t stop the goofy smile that spread across your face.

#i ended up making this too long heLP 😭#this was gonna be even longer but i had to pump the breaks ✋🏻#and yes darcy and lowe are dating in the canon story #if: the ballad of the young gods #interactive fiction #interactive novel #interactive story #twine wip #ro: c lacroix #ro scenarios

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slaaverin · 2 days ago

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I'm in my bed crying over jikook again.

The thing is, I don't even have the proper words to express what I'm feeling.

It's all so..God I don't know. Improbable? Crazy? It's crazy.

You have two humans that have the most pure souls, with impossible high-stakes lives, that somehow found each other and also found the most beautiful love I have ever witnessed in my 32 years of life.

The probability of this happening is almost zero. It shows there are really bigger and smarter things than little us at play in life.

They went through so much, and so much more than any of us will ever be able to imagine, yet they remained pure at heart, with their love growing ever stronger and more potent by the day.

They let us in on everything, and showed us the true depth of their feelings openly (but even so, it's written all over their faces).

They simply care, a lot. The little things, the trips, the quiet moments, all of it, they really do care. It's not for show. It's real.

It's like we're getting a glimpse of something that doesn't belong to us at all. Yet, they are generous enough to let us experience it vicariously through them. Isn't it an act of love on their part? They don't have to do it. It's not even smart or safe or reasonable for them to do it. But they do anyway. Maybe because they wouldn't be able to help it, even if they wanted to?

How weird it is that our love for them is that strong? We've never even met them. Yet we feel for them something more unconditional than what we feel for some people we've actually met. How strange, don't you think? So we cheer on and support and we feel it all. We care too.

And I can't explain how witnessing jikook's love has been wonderful, how it has filled my heart with an immense amount of joy and reverence and beauty. It is a mystery.

Somehow I feel it's not even about them, even if it is, obviously so. It's simply that love. Isn't something most of us miss? Long, crave for? Wish for everybody.

If all the people would be in love like Jimin & Jungkook are, there would be no wars in the world anymore. It would be completely different.

The lack of love produces incredible darkness, and it's only love that can fix everything.

So I think that's why I cherish their love so much. It is so very precious, so very important, in ways they might not even understand. The fact they have such an audience being exposed to their love, feeling all the feelings, it helps the world heal a tiny little.

It's not a small thing. It matters.

If we can all fill our little corner of the universe with that type of love, we would've won all the battles, done what we came here for, and call it a day.

They've gifted us the incredible gift of are you sure, where their love was quiet and peaceful and certain. They've given us the gcf. And Letter. And then there was Rosebowl, and MMA, and Black Swan. A thousand moments. Again and again they've showed us.

Now they are enlisted together, and I think that there's nothing more to add. Nothing to prove. Nothing to show. It is self-evident and we can only smile and be happy for them.

What an incredible journey it has been, full of laughs, of crying. So many tears (of joy).

When they will come out of military, we can say that a chapter of their life will close, and another one will open. Hopefully a even happier one than the one before.

So yeah I've decided to make a rather big edit about it, this first chapter, those 10 years of love.

(And you're not ready with some of the music I chose, it makes you feel ALL THE THINGS, prepare tissues)

Sorry for this post that is going nowhere.

Sometimes I simply need to scream my love for jikook. They truly deserve it.

Aren't they wonderful? Yes. Yes.

Take care lovely jikookers 💜

#jikook #kookmin #jimin #jungkook

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crazy-pages · 1 day ago

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I'm not even sure it's wildly unguarded so much is perfectly reasonable and quite grounded speculation which needs more mathematical exploration, but it's really fun, so...

This will take some background first though.

So. Thestandard model of the universe as we currently understand it is a variety of quaternion topological structures laid over a manifold with three dimensions of space and one dimension of time.

What that means in somewhat simpler terms is that spacetime is squishy and stretchy but does not tear, and has three dimensions which are negative, and one dimension which is positive. What this means is that if you go an equal distance in one direction in space and in time, they cancel each other out and the effective distance is zero. If you've ever heard that light doesn't experience time, or that somebody moving fast relative to you experiences less time than you do, this is why. The distance you travel in this case is how much internal "time evolution" you experience, and (to simplify things) we are all moving in the time dimension at the same speed. So if someone moves really fast relative to you, you see their time evolution distance as being smaller than yours. But light is moving so fast relative to you that it appears to have no time evolution at all.

Then at each point on this hyperbolic (name for positive and negative dimensions together) spacetime, we can define a variety of numbers and these numbers are quaternions. So, complex numbers are numbers which have one real component, and one imaginary component. So like 3+i. Quaternions are like that but they have one real number and three different flavors of imaginary number. Like 3+i-2j+4k. Each imaginary number acts like i does, so j^2=k^2=-1. But also there's ij=k and ji=-k. They're fun and also for complicated reasons, extremely useful for describing three-dimensional rotations so they show up in a lot of graphics programming.

Now these numbers show up in complicated ways. For instance, let's imagine a circle. Now we're going to add a line from 0 to 1 attached to each point on the circle. That makes a cylinder right? Well sure, but it can also make a Möbius strip. The lines don't have to be attached to their neighbors in a way that makes a cylinder. At one point on the circle we can have two of the lines be connected upside down creating a Möbius strip. Well these, both the cylinder and the Möbius strip, are what are known as topological structures.

Except in the standard model, instead of having a circle as the foundation, we have a hyperbolic spacetime. And instead of a simple line from zero to one, we have line segments of quaternions and infinite lines of quaternions and planes and volumes and hyper volumes of quaternions, and also real and complex numbers which can be made out of quaternions. And instead of just being able to attach things so that they look like cylinders or Möbius strips, there is so much weird stuff you can do with these structures.

And those weird structures are things like the electromagnetic field, the gravitational field, strong field, weak field, and the higgs field. And there are certain properties of those fields which create structures which tend to persist even when acted on by other forces, and those are particles.

Now this theory is incomplete, we know some ways it doesn't quite match reality. One theory for why is that we need to extend the quaternion number structures to include octonion number structures, which have seven types of complex number. Unfortunately the math for this is so hard that in 45 years only one person (Cohl Furey) has made any meaningful progress on this theory, and that only recently. An attempt at a simpler to solve model is string theory, where each point in space-time is a circle instead of a point, but it's run into a lot of trouble.

Anyway, that is the background necessary to understand this fun theory about what happened before the Big Bang. See, remember how I said space time has three negative dimensions and one positive? Yeah that's not necessarily the case. You can also have three positive dimensions and one negative and get something very close to the physics we see. The difference is just that you swap a lot of the right hand rules for left hand rules, Like rules about how a curling magnetic field generates an electromagnetic force, where in this flipped spacetime the force would go the other direction.

So the question is, why do we see right-handed forces instead of left-handed forces? Why is the universe one way instead of the other? Well the answer this theory proposes is that it's not, it's both. On one side of the big bang you have positive time moving in one direction, and on the other you have negative time moving in the other direction. So on the other side of the Big Bang is just a mirror to our universe with differently handed physics rules.

The trick is that you need some weird math to describe the connection between the two sides right next to the Big Bang. I don't mean this in the sense that stuff could be transferred from one side to the other, but in the weird abstract mathematical way where one connection defined a cylinder and another connection defined a Möbius strip. And it turns out that some of the mathematical connections proposed to make this work happen to come with interesting solutions to some perplexing bits of cosmology.

The authors of this theory are very reasonable and grounded about it, and will be the first people in line to comment that not enough work has been done to evaluate this properly as a theory yet, or even to construct a full theory which can be evaluated. But they also point out, quite rightly I think, but this is a much simpler and more sensible solution to some of our cosmology issues than string theory is, and think we should be investigating similar mathematical structure implications of the standard model before we go replacing the whole thing with string theory.

Fellow science assholes and science enthusiast assholes: Hit me with your favorite wildly unguarded speculations about what conditions were like before the Big Bang. Bonus points if the crankery includes dubious math; we love reading about dubious math.

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gayofthefae · 1 day ago

Text

"I should have explained myself because maybe then Eleven would have taken me with her, but - I don't know. I didn't know what to say."

That isn't what he said the first time.

"I should have said something. And maybe if I had said that thing, Eleven would want me there with her."

The sentiment of him being with her and knowing/ensuring she's safe is consistent. But he isn't actually repeating himself. There's no need for him to as a person and as a screenwriter, repetition should DEFINITELY be cut.

He's changing. He's brainstorming. He's starting to consider other angles of the "could have"s. The "what if"s.

He starts with "what if I'd just forced an 'I love you'". But I think he likely settles on what we can logically deduce for ourselves in that situation - "I made the right choice prioritizing with what I knew of the consequences at the time".So he changes. He changes.

He changes to "I should have explained myself".

"Explained myself" is NOT the same as "said that thing" and that is VITAL.

I should have just sucked it up and told her I loved her if it meant keeping her safe.

No, I did the best I could with the information I had

I should have told her the truth. Maybe she would have taken it better if I had just told her that I don't love her but it's my fault, not hers. Now she thinks it's hers and that I'm hiding it.

And, perfect timing, Will comes in with (in Mike's pov) "It makes sense why you didn't, though, don't beat yourself up. She was gonna get hurt either way and everything would have been a risk as to how much."

And Mike nods. And the next time we see him, he's saying

"Will she still even want me in her life if I can't give her the love she wants? All I can do now is to make sure she knows it isn't her fault, that's the selfless act I can do for her, but if I confess I don't love her, what other use am I to her? Will doing what's best for her by telling her it's not her fault, it's mine, instead of continuing to lie make me lose her?"

He says "explain". He starts with "maybe I should have changed the 'what'". Then he shifts to "maybe I should changed what she thought of the 'why'". Ironically, his question in the van once he's come to that conclusion is "how?".

The first pitch her makes is "maybe I should have told her I loved her" and Will says "don't worry, you'll have another chance", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

aversion.

But then he says "maybe I should have just explained the real reason behind my actions instead of denying them all together" and Will says "that's a scary thing to do. It's a hard decision. You're doing your best", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

understanding.

Honestly, being understood. And sometimes that's what you need to find understanding. He's been confused this whole time, that's been his whole thing, but he looks like he's starting to piece something together now - finally. Will put his own feelings into words for him to hear out loud so could finally get them and get them in a validated way.

Instinctively, he knew the first one was easier but wrong. He didn't want to lie to her. Both times Will said "if that's what you want to do, I believe in you", but only once did he agree. He knew it felt like the wrong choice the first time and you can see it. The second time was a new choice he was considering.

And you know what? While we're here. Telling her he loves her: aversion. Telling her the truth: understanding and drive. What happens next?

He expresses "what if when I tell her the truth, as I've decided is the right choice, she appreciates it but doesn't need me for anything else beyond that?" And Will says "she'll stay. You got this.", and he reacts with

Comfort. *

He didn't know what to do. Then he did, but he was scared to do it. Then he wasn't so scared anymore.

He's thrilled to see her and forgets for a second but - much like El with Will on roller rink day - is reminded by seeing Will that now that she's actually here, it's real. He's committed to his actions and they're impending.

But he's not so scared anymore. Bravery, though, doesn't mean no nerves. He's hesitant and not happy looking when he talks to her about it first. He tries to lighten the mood - "the whole world went to shit and everything" - and he's watching her reactions like a hawk. It feels like less of a risk now enough that he can do it, but not so little that he isn't scared. Either way though, it's worth the risk for her to know it isn't her.

He didn't know what to do. Now he does. He was scared, but he's not as much anymore. Not too much to do it. They're interrupted. Okay, oh well, he'll find another time.

And now to break your heart:

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, but Mike met that with aversion.

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, Mike met that with understanding and agreement.

Mike was scared, Will said he had no reason to be, Mike met that with comfort.

(I'm sorry) Mike was scared for El - unrelated - and looked to Will for comfort - as he had every other time - when he tapped him on the shoulder, Will said he should tell her he loves her, and he reacts with

anguish.

This was not Mike's plan.

This was not their plan, so he thought.

Mike's reaction tells us everything about what he knew and what he meant for what's to come. This was not what he meant. That was not what he was going to say. This was his plan.

And there's that part of you too that always wishes to go back to semi-ignorant bliss. Even if just panicked confusion. Because wasn't it nice: when telling her you loved her evoked this

And not this

Wasn't it nice when you knew...just a little less?

Wasn't it nice, in a way, when you couldn't see the happy ending so clearly?

Don't you sort of miss - when you couldn't taste it?

also fuck it for just for that list bit and the bridge of this song here's my illicit affairs edit linked because "you showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else"

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heartbreakgrill · 1 day ago

Text

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 9; "Never seen that color blue."

“No, yeah, of course! Noo…no! Thank you! I seriously appreciate all of your help and understanding during this! I hope you have a wonderful day! Yeah, aw, thanks! You, too! Yeah- okay- bye!”

My faux smile dropped as soon as my hand did, phone falling to a silenced settle on my left thigh. I breathed a shallow breath of somehow anxious relief, so ironic that it made me want to scream.

Max reached across the bed and rubbed my knee comfortingly, “You okay?”

I wanted to snort, yell, kick my feet, and laugh hysterically. Throw a temper tantrum, wish on a star, kiss a fucking frog. Fall on my knees, beg the skies. Change fate's cruel course of time.

But my expression was blank as I shrugged, “What can ya do?”

The corner of his lips lifted into the saddest smile. His thumb brushed my skin, “It’s gonna be alright. Once you settle back in, things will start to feel normal. You can start…moving on. And, hey, I’m visiting in just a month. You have that to look forward to. School starting, your new role at the clinic. So many good things, Daz.”

He was right- I had so much to be excited about. I really should’ve felt excited, grateful. A better woman would have. A better woman would have seen the blessings all around her and felt so full of life and love. God, she would’ve respected herself enough to not be in this situation in the first place.

Yet I couldn’t help but feel resentful, knowing that I would trade all of it for-

for him.

For Oliver.

I would give up everything for just another moment, hanging onto his lips like a vine. Just a second of growth, even if being ripped away meant digging up the roots and my leaves dying.

I just gave Max that fake smile, knowing full well he was aware that it meant nothing. “You’re right. It’ll be good for me to be home.”

He squeezed my knee before removing his hand. “You wanna finish packing? Or maybe take a break? Get some food?”

I glanced around at the mess of clothes across Sam and I’s hotel room. My bags lay open, a few piles of my stuff already stuffed inside. But there was more than half to be done. So much to be done before I went…before I went home tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Less than 12 hours from now. I’d be heading back to reality. Closing the doors on Europe, on everything and everybody I’d be leaving here.

There was just one week left on the European leg of the two. Tomorrow morning, everyone will be leaving for Germany. I’d go to the airport with them, like normal, but depart at a separate gate, at the same exact time. Those who needed to know, well, I was going to tell them. And those who needed to know the reason why would, too. Sam was going to think I was going home because of an offer for a higher position from the clinic I worked at. But this was only partially true. Training for that wouldn’t even start for another 3 weeks. School wasn’t for a month.

I was leaving for me- for clarity, fresh air. Oliver was right- London was foggy, full of pollution and shitty, selfish men.

I needed to get away, out. Back to routine and home. Back to what I knew- what wouldn’t hurt me.

I looked back to Max, “I'm gonna finish packing. Get it over with. Before Sam gets back. I think it might hurt his feelings to walk in and see this…mess.”

Mess might have held a double meaning. I had looked better, for sure. Max understood, I think, for he knocked his shoulder against mine, then stood from the bed. “We got it, Daz.”

I stood up quickly, knowing the only way to get started was to just start. Stand. Move. (I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.)

It took us another hour or so to finish stuffing my belongings into their bags. I had bought maybe one too many souvenirs, so we struggled to find a place for everything. When we were done, I slew myself across the end of the bed, breathing heavily, sweating a little bit.

Max groaned from the floor, “Why do you own so many things?!”

“Dude, I don’t even know. It’s gonna take me 12 years to unpack!”

He chortled, half-heartedly, patting his stomach as an afterthought. “I am soooo hungry. What do you wanna eat?”

I sat up as he did so, shrugging a bit, “You pick. I don’t have the energy for all that.”

“I’m good with the hotel restaurant if you are.”

“Fuck it.”

So, we sludged our way downstairs. I hadn’t been leaving my room much, worried you-know-who would cross my path and shake things up again. Though, I doubted he was looking for me. He hadn’t so much as texted me since last week. Oliver was probably sulking, convincing himself that he was the victim in this whole thing. The thought made my blood rush a little bit. I clenched my fist as the elevator doors closed, trying to focus on breathing and not screaming.

The past three had been probably one of the worst of my life. I was so…so sad. So angry. Confused. Nothing made sense, yet all of my fears had come true. It was like I knew all the answers, but my bones felt so put off by how they manifested themselves. Like, what do you mean the cold, dark, distant boy turned out to be a cheating, manipulative liar? Right on the money.

My rational mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that it still felt so…disappointing? Wrong? Fucked the fucking fuck up.

The doors slid open. I followed, quietly, behind Max as we headed for the inlet to the left of the front counter. This was a usual part of my new found routine, grabbing food with Max. Albeit, sneakily, with numerous texts between the two of us (me, badgering him) ensuring nobody else (Oliver) was down here. In avoiding him, I had been avoiding everybody else, too.

I could already see their knowing looks. Sam could read me like a book. Ronnie was way psychic and usually felt the vibe of a situation long before it occurred. Adam, obviously, already was aware. And I'm sure he would have relayed the information to Cyrus.

I was exuding this aura of heartbroken, school-girl-fantasy-crushed, sad-puppy shit. I felt tired, and I’m sure my eyes looked it, too. Any passerby probably could have read my emotions pretty well. No matter, I’d be out of here soon. Back home. I could heal, rest, relax, find somebody else to fuck and get the fuck over this dumb ass white boy.

My dumb ass white boy. I’d tried not to think about him, so deeply sunk into this angry feeling that I couldn’t even fathom the idea of missing what had hurt me. Alas, every once and a while (between every other curse I thought of) something would flash through my mind. A distant memory, an image of his deep-ocean blue eyes shining with flames from the rooftop firepit, triggered by a breath, a catch of the wind, a sink in my heart. I’d feel a little moth flicker in my chest. An air bubble, taut in my stomach, would have me hiccuping from gushing tears in an instant.

I think it was the deep blue suede of the hotel bar’s stools that did it this time. I brushed a hand, slowly, watching the color shift from the movement of the fabric. The lighter color reminded me of a time he felt the way I did right now. Sadness. Maybe it hadn’t meant as much to him, maybe his depravity was not comforted by me. But that moment, when I held him, when he nuzzled his head into my neck and began crying-

“Wanna drink?” Max rested a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention back from where I was trudging through fleeting, erasing moments.

I ceased my body from flinching, willed away the wetness in my eyes, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s get a drink.”

Which was a mistake.

One drink turned to appetizers turned to three drinks turned to main courses, 5 drinks, 2 shots, and dessert. Before I knew it, Max and I were cackling over some typo on some Twitter post. I gripped his shirt sleeve and hoped I wouldn’t slide off the bar stool. For the first time in a week, I wasn’t concerning myself with the logistics of sticking around in this public area as long as we had been. I wasn’t even thinking of Oliver. In fact, Max and I were discussing some of our favorite shitposts about American politics. My mind was far away from dumb Brits and idiotic Europeans.

Of course, the world had a very funny way of spitting in my face.

Adam, Cyrus, and- low and behold- Oliver came strolling into the bar right when Max and I finished ordering another drink. I felt a little sick, watching as they neared us. Oliver wasn’t paying attention. He never did. His head, sunken into his hoodie, hands shoved in his pockets. He moved like the Grim Reaper. I wondered if he had come to take my soul away.

Adam and Cyrus seemed…on edge. They noticed Max and I only after they’d made it halfway across the room. Adam hesitated on his next step, catching my eye, worriedly glancing between me and Oliver.

Max was aware, at this point. He cut himself off mid sentence, swiping a hand across his lips. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. “Daisy…let’s go.”

His fingers brushed through mine in a desperate grasp to pull me along with him, towards the door. I was drunk. I was not thinking. I was hysterical, sad, heartbroken, angry. I tugged my hand away, instead flipping into the air to wave and cheerfully catch the group’s full attention.

“Cy! Adam!” I couldn’t quite catch his name on my tongue. I thought I might puke. “Hey, girl!”

Oliver looked up at the sound of voice. He stopped, but three feet from our little round table. The light, dim from the overhead lamps and LED strips behind the counter, caught the round pupils in his eyes. I watched as he blinked once, twice. Blue.

“Oliver!” There it was.

He met my eye. The corners of his lids wilted, like the petals of a flower, aged, saddened. Drops of rain dropping them in weight. Max looked between the two of us. Cyrus busied himself with buying a drink. Adam slouched in the awkward, pregnant air. Oliver ignored me, moved around our group to sit as far away as possible.

I clenched my jaw. Rage. Utter, pure anger. How dare he deny me even now? The fact that he had not come to my door in the past few days, on his knees, begging for my forgiveness- I was seething. And, now, he goes back to his old tricks. Pretending like I don’t exist.

I turned to Max, who was bracing for impact. His hands were wary, held up near me as if to catch my fall. I shrugged, smiled cheekily, wrinkled my nose. I bumped Adam’s shoulder with mine and declared, “Shots on me?”

He continued his smug slump in the bar stool for the next hour. Adam, Cyrus, Max, and I hung like the old pals we were, cracking jokes, swapping stories like we were surrounding a campfire. I glanced at Oliver every once in a while, hoping to accidentally make eye contact like we used to. He stared down at his phone or his glass. I was surprised the device worked considering he’d fucking forgotten my contact existed or something.

Ugh.

What a fucking ass hole.

Adam asked me a question, pulling my attention back in. “Are you excited for Germany?”

Oh. I’d almost forgotten all about this little plot. I knew that if I spoke loud enough, Oliver would hear. He’d react. I could almost hear it, the little hitch in his breath. The tickle in his throat. The flit of his tongue across his lips, the patter of his holey heart.

I felt my own chest jitter with the excitement, the want of a reaction I needed from him. The shock. The idea that I would be an ocean away from him. No longer at an arm’s length.

I turned towards Adam and rested my chin on my fist. I frowned, almost playfully, “Ugh, I hate having to tell you guys like this!”

Cyrus slowly lowered his glass from his lips, having been mid-drink, “What’s up?”

“I’m going home,” my brows furrowed in a naive look. Adam and Cyrus’ chins dropped a sliver. I pouted my lip, “Stop! I know! I’m so sad!”

I wanted to wait until the conversation was over to look down the bar, to see if even a fragment of what I was saying had affected him. But, I didn’t need to wait. Oliver had flinched. He literally flinched.

“Yeah, me, too,” Adam touched my hand. “Why so soon? I thought you were staying through August?”

“I was planning on it, but…they offered me a better position at the clinic I work at. I have to get home to start training,” I continued, a satisfied smirk teasing my mouth.

Cyrus lifted his glass, “Well, there’s nothing to be sad about, then! To your new job.”

“I’ll cheers to that,” the smirk slipped into a genuine smile. I really would miss these guys, but my drunken, stupid mind wasn’t thinking about that. I wanted more from Oliver. I wanted a white flag or a look or a…fuck, I wanted him.

I pushed, “I’ll really miss you guys. Max, with your corny-ass pick-up lines, Adam’s mom vibes, Cy’s ability to knock back more drinks than fucking- I don’t know, Spider-man, and not get drunk? Shit’s insane.”

I drank in the laughter for a moment, eyes lingering down the bar to Oliver. Then, I added a name to my list and narrowed my gaze, “Oliver,” he wouldn’t look. “With your need to ignore me in every room we’re in. I’ll really miss your cold fucking shoulder.”

Any laughter that may have hung onto our past moment faded. I heard Max take a sharp breath in through his teeth. Adam pressed his lips together. Cyrus looked over his shoulder at their friend. I didn’t know if he really knew, but he had to understand just a little bit. The vibes were always there. We thought we were sneaky, but we were so sickly up each other’s asses. We’d even run into Cyrus and Adam in the hallway that one time. I guess we were all really good at being hopefully fucking stupid and blind.

I leaned on my palm and stared that man down. I watched as he kept his chin, pointed ahead, like he was playing brave in the situation. His Adam's apple bobbed. Oliver clutched his glass, swung it back, slugged the liquid down. Slammed it back on the counter. Then, he stood up, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and threw a wad of bills onto the bar. He adjusted his hoodie and left.

I was dizzy. I stuttered back a step. Max touched my wrist, murmuring something or the other about heading back upstairs. Telling me I was too drunk.

I felt slow, felt dizzy, felt scared, felt angry, felt sad. I felt so sad. I felt so angry and so sad and…

And, my eyebrows furrowed in anger, the shock erasing itself from my frame. I took a deep, drunken breath and followed his trail. Fast. Legs pumping, arms swinging at my sides.

He was at the elevator, looking down at his shoes. I couldn’t get his name out. I think if I did the tears were going to fall out, The sobs were going to ricochet through my whole body and knock me over and kill me and I’d die and I’d never get to see that dumb asses blue eyes any more. Ever again. I wanted to see his blue eyes again. I wanted him to look at me and see me for what he sees me as. I wanted him to touch my hip and wring my neck and tell me I was the only one he wanted. I’d take it. One more time, then he could go back to her. I just wanted a goodbye.

He was stepping into the elevator. The doors were closing. I jammed a hand between and he flinched, again.

I stepped in just as the doors began to shut again. His eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. He was frozen. Frowning. He looked…sad.

I almost reached a hand out, almost caressed his cheek and pulled him into me. But, I didn’t. Instead, I said (yelled?), “What the fuck is your problem?”

He stammered, “Wha-what?”

I struggled to repeat myself. I needed to cry. It was going to open. But, for another moment, the anger took over, “You fucking heard me. What is your problem, Oliver? What the fuck did I do to deserve this kind of shit? I don’t wanna hear more sad excuses about your fucking mental health and your-your fucking anxiety. God, I- I fucking…I don’t even k- you fucking ignored me back there! I looked right at you and I said your name and I smiled at you and…I’ve been so nice to you. I’ve been nice to you all summer and you treat me like a piece of fucking shit. God, I’ve…I’ve told you so much. I told you about my mom and…and you laid there and you told me all this bullshit about how much you liked me! And then you…youre a fucking-”

I cut myself off, out of breath. I was sweating a little bit. I think I had spit a few times. And I paced the elevator so much that I was flush against the wall. I leaned my shoulders back against the cool metal, wringing my hands, tugging at my hair.

He didn’t say anything. I breathed, hard, I thought, long. I kept thinking, and I kept getting angrier. I turned back to him, rearing up again. I had more to say, I just, I just needed to get some more concise- more thoughtful thoughts, right, exactly. Yes. I can…

“And who the fuck is F-”

“Daisy.”

There it was, my name. It was my name, soft and angelic, and holy. And a moment on his lips that he carved out of time and held a space for, for me to hear.

I stopped. I felt nothing for a moment. I looked at him and he was already waiting to see my eyes. My bottom lip wobbled.

“You’re obviously upset. And, drunk. Why don’t we talk about this in the morning? We can both get some rest.” He was always so good at two very distinct things: pushing stuff (people) aside and speaking to me in a way that felt like a cloud was wrapping itself around me. Like the cloud wanted me to lay in its arm and would coo me to sleep. Like I was safe and loved and-

Loved.

He made me feel loved.

I straightened up a bit at the thought. I pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Who the fuck is Fiona? What the fuck was that all about? Oliver, I’m not going to stand here and beg for you to love me. Or beg for you to come back to me. I just want a goddamn apology. For wasting my time, for playing with my fucking heart. For stringing me along. You knew-”

The tears came. Perfect timing. “You fucking know that I love you. You have known for a very long time. And you are an idiotic fool if you still don’t believe it. But I am not going to play this game with you. I told you that already and now I seriously mean it. I broke my back this summer to make sure that I was who you wanted me to be. So I was cool and chill and could take as much space as you wanted me to. I went with everything you asked of me, I was there when you needed a warm body. I comforted you and…and tried to fucking fix you like I knew you wanted me to. But, I am done. I am done with this. I am done-”

My voice cracked. I swiped an angry, shaking hand across my face. Vision blurred. “I am done with you. This is ridiculous. I don’t know if you meant to, but you have manipulated this situation so that you have been the one benefiting. I’m tired of letting you think you’re some broken, sad puppy dog on the side of the road that needs to be taken care of. Grow the fuck up. And, now I find out that there’s some other woman? That I- I’m the other woman, maybe? That you’re cheating on her with me? That I’m your fucking slut? Side hoe?”

I had paced again, this time, towards him. He was taller than me, but my anger was making me taller. He was almost…cowering. I pointed my finger again, nearly chest to chest with him.

“Fuck you, Oliver. Fuck you and fuck London and fuck your stupid fucking music.”

The doors opened, on our floor. I walked out, but turned to face him before he was really gone from me. I wanted to see his eyes one last time.

He was crying. I popped an arm into the door again, buying myself more time to kick him while he was down. I thought this would bring me closure. I thought I’d feel better if he knew, truly knew, the entirety. Every thought. Every hurt I felt.

“You asked me at the beginning of the summer what I was searching for. I thought that it was you. And I thought that I had found you.”

I shook my head sadly. The doorbell on the elevator rang. I stepped back, “I was right. There is no deeper meaning. Goodbye, Oliver.”

I stood there for a second, as though I could still see his blue eyes, boring through the metal doors.

Then, I sludged my way to my hotel room. I opened the door, shoulders slumped, body aching. I knew my makeup was smeared all over my face. My hair was wrecked. I couldn’t stop sniffling or whimpering. I walked into the room.

Sam sat up in his bed. Ronnie was beside him. I barely made it two more steps before Sam caught me in his arms.

–

The sky was gray. The weather in Europe usually was, especially up here on this side of the continent. I wasn’t surprised when, on our drive to the airport, it started spitting rain. I shivered underneath the cover of my hoodie, yet walked slowly through the entrance.

I remember when I had first dropped down in London, wide-eyed, hopeful. I think it had been raining then, too. But, I hadn’t cared. Come to think of it, it was raining pretty much everyday we had been in London.

Oliver was right about a couple things.

Back then, just three months ago, I hadn’t cared about the sun’s shadow curving from behind the clouds, nor did I mind that it was usually quite chilly outside. Now, I felt anger, annoyance at the weather, at the people, at the world.

At him. The stupid weight of my suitcase. The drag in my step. The wetness of my clothes and the chill of the wind.

I felt older, in the worst way. I was a different age, considering my birthday had passed while I’d been here. But, I felt old in a way that was draining. I felt like I had wasted so much time, energy, and all I had left were weary bones and sadness. Just how much I had left, I didn’t know. But I did know that as soon as I got back home, I would be rotting in my bed for a day or two.

Sam, Max, and Ronnie came to the airport early with me. My flight time had been pulled forward by an hour, so I needed to get here sooner than I thought. I wasn’t complaining, though. I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of the hotel. Out of here. Out of London.

I hurried the process of packing my last few things. Stuffed my breakfast down my throat. Impatiently waited in the taxi, knee bouncing, as Sam and Max loaded the trunk with all of our things. Ronnie slid in beside me and became the first reason that I cried that day.

She reared a look over her shoulder, out the back window, to check on Max and Sam. Then, with an awkward sigh, she turned her knees towards me, “Peaches?”

I glanced up from my lap and the bounce of my knee slowed, “Yeah?”

Upon noticing the somber gaze in her eyes, my brows furrowed. “What’s up?” I added, fully presenting her my full attention.

Ronnie rubbed her nose in a seemingly nervous manner, “I just wanted to say…um, ew. Sorry.”

I softly giggled at her disgust with whatever sentence she was trying to form. “What is it?”

She finally met my eye in a fervently forward manner, “I usually have fun on tour. But this summer was…it was extra special. Getting to know you has been…so cool. I don’t know. I just…I love you, Daisy. You’ve become like a sister to me.”

I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Oh, Ronnie,” I sniffled, hugging her around the shoulders.

She pulled me close to her and I swear I heard her sniffle a bit, too. “I’m sorry for not noticing what was happening. I should’ve been there for you more. I got caught up in my own-”

“Don’t even apologize,” I reared back with my reply, “No. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m not even blaming myself for what happened. It was a stupid, weird situation. It was my responsibility to come to you if I needed help. I just needed…I just need to go home now.”

Ronnie smiled a sad, peaceful smile. “I hope I get to see you again soon. I don’t know what I will do without your bright light.”

“Oh, you will. You guys will be in the US soon. Sam said he was gonna drop by. I am positive you’ll be there, too,” I dropped a sly wink.

Ronnie watched my face for a moment, “I mean, of course you know now. But…” she narrowed her eyes, grinning in shocked realisation, “Fucker. You knew the whole time?!”

“Of course I knew the whole time. Sam is-” I snorted, “Sam is not hiding his lovesick, puppy-dog eyes.”

Ronnie’s gaze widened slightly, “I-”

The doors of the taxi popped open as the boys joined us, Max in the back on my other side, Sam in the front. He saw our laughing, secretive expressions in the rearview mirror and turned back. “What are you two doing?”

I brushed my hands across my cheeks to clear whatever tears might’ve been rolling still, then shook my head. “Nothing, Sam-Ham.”

He turned his eyes to Ronnie and tilted his chin forward. She shrugged, a smug smile contorting her once saddened face. Ronnie dropped a wink, “Nothing at all.”

The second person to make me cry was Max. Out of everyone, he was probably my best friend at this point. We had spent so much time together, out drinking, dancing, holed up in my hotel room with trays of room service, movies on the tv. He had been there through one of the most terrifying, exhilarating, strange summers of my life. We were bonded forever, now. I could feel it.

He was helping me check in while Sam and Ronnie headed to drop off our baggage. They were all just planning on hanging for the extra hour until it was time to check in for their flight. I was grateful they all wanted to sacrifice the time for me. To them, though, I knew it was second nature.

Some people made it easy, loving me.

I shook away the thoughts because the attendant was handing me my ticket. She reiterated boarding time, twenty minutes from now, and wished me a safe flight. “Thank you,” I nodded before turning back to Max.

The tall blonde was watching me. I could tell he was on the verge of tears from just the way that his shoulders shrugged forward. It made my heart swell, knowing how much of an impact I had had on them.

He tried to straighten up as I looked him in the eye. Then, he opened his mouth to say something. I threw myself into his arms before he could. Hugging me tight, Max brushed a hand down the back of my head.

“Oh, sweet, lovely angel. I am going to miss you so.”

I didn’t need to hear anything else to start crying into his chest. Max felt the rock of my shoulders and sniffled into my hairline. “Don’t start, love. I won’t be able to stop, myself,” he chuckled shortly.

We stood like that for a few minutes, maybe more, before I stepped back. I rubbed my eyes on the inside of my sweatshirt, knowing my face was flushed and probably swelling. Max touched his fingers to my wrists and gently brushed aside my hands. He took in my visage, so delicately, and sighed. “Can I just say…”

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed through a sob. More tears fell.

Max rubbed my shoulders, “No, no, no, love. It’s okay. No more tears, okay? We’ll be okay. Just…I just want- I need to tell you how important you are. I know you’re going to go home and things are going to start to settle and you’re going to start to think so many things about yourself. You are so easy to love, Daisy. It is like breathing to me, to Ronnie, to Sam, Sasha. It is breathing. And you are worthy of it, too. That’s all. I just…I just needed to tell you, okay?”

I didn’t say anything else. I just whimpered and pulled him in closer to me.

Sam was the worst.

Since the evening before, when I had broken down in his arms and told him, through my blubbering, a short synopsis of what had happened, we hadn’t spoken much. I didn’t know if it was simply because we didn't have enough time. But, I was feeling worse because of it.

I needed my big brother more than anybody else. Sam knew me better than anybody else, even if we hadn’t been around each other as often as we used to. He still understood me. We shared the same blood, for God’s sake.

Yet, as we sat there, in the waiting area of my plane’s gate, he didn’t even look at me. He stared down at the floor, hands folded in his lap. He sat across from Ronnie, Max, and I, making it known that he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. When he first sat there, the aisle a wide gap between us, I furrowed my brows. But, then, Ronnie and Max striked up some topic that I invested myself and my attention into.

It didn’t seem like that big of a deal until they called for me. I stood up, faster than I should’ve, to be honest, and began to gather my things. Phone, bag, jacket, passport. I ran the list over in my head, three times over.

All the while, Sam slowly stood, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and watched his feet as he scuffed his sneakers across the carpeted floor.

I passed my eyes over him for a moment, holding my breath. Surely, my brother would have something to say to me.

He didn’t make a move.

I began walking the short distance to my gate. Before I moved to get in line, though, I turned back to my friends. Max jumped for a hug first, barely allowing me enough time to fully settle back on my heels. I dug my feet into the ground to gain traction as his ginormous body came toppling into my arms. Ronnie joined in the hug yet struggled to toss her arms over Max’s tall frame. He adjusted as we all shared a laugh and tucked her in beside me.

He called over his shoulder, voice muffled, “Get in here, Sam-Ham!”

I heard my brother elicit a laugh. It felt refreshing to hear. Then, I felt the hug grow tighter as he joined in on Max’s other side. We didn’t stay like that for long. It was stuffy and I wasn’t getting much air.

So, I tapped Max’s back and said, “Alright. Let me go.”

I gave individual hugs to everybody, voicing my own grateful, somewhat short, goodbyes.

Then, I turned to my brother. He evaded my eye contact for a moment or two. Then he pulled me in. Tight.

Out of nowhere, “I’m sorry if he ruined your summer.”

Tensing up from the words, the mention of him, I slowly pulled back from Sam’s embrace. He held onto my back, sort of cradling me. The guilt lying in his eyes was far worse than anything I’d ever seen flash across his face. My own gaze softened from the taut expression it had anxiously contorted to.

“What?” I breathily inquired, unsure if I had heard him correctly, saddened that he was obviously carrying so much hurt from my stupid mistakes. “Why? Sam, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, Daz, I just…” Sam’s arms fell from around me. I missed the warmth as soon as the chill of the vast room settled in around my sweatshirt. He ran a veiny hand across his forehead, “I'm supposed to be there for you. Protect you. And I already suck at the first part.”

“Sam,” I grasped his wrist, slipping his fingers between my hands. “It’s not your fault. It’s…honestly, if my summer was ruined, it was because of my own shitty decisions. Besides, you don’t suck at being there for me. I can’t believe you would even think that!”

I clasped his hand tight between mine, brows furrowed. To hear him blame himself, to hear him look this way…This whole summer, I had spent my time obsessing over somebody who didn’t even want me. I should have paid more attention to my brother, who was part of the reason I was here in the first place.

The farther I got from the start of this journey, literally and figuratively, the blurrier my original dreams became. There was no meaning to find here- only what was already there.

The thought made me lick my lips in nervous realisation.

Sam let out a frustrated, breathy chortle. “Don’t give me so much credit. I’ve been…gone. Running away from home. For so long. Worried about getting out of that apartment and town and away from…from anything that could remind me of her. Remind me of mom. I left you behind in the process.”

The wetness in my eyes began to pour over. “Oh, Sam,” my lips trembled out as I dove back into his arms. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, holding onto him as though an airplane would dive down and pull him away. I needed this. This kind of hug. This moment.

Clarity was nearer than ever before.

“Listen,” I pulled back, “I need you to understand, okay? My summer was not ruined. It wasn’t. This entire experience has been the most amazing, wonderful, awesome, cool time. I got to spend so much time getting to see you, getting to see your world. And, don’t ever blame yourself for getting away. You had to. I see it now- You had to come be a part of this wonderful band, go with them on all of their amazing tours. I see it on your face, Sam. This is what you’re supposed to do, okay? My mistakes are my own. Not yours.”

“I just…” Sam stared at the floor for a moment, tongue quick to go and defend his original claim But he paused and let the information process. “I…I just wish I could punch him in the face or something. What a douche. Dragging you into his mess. I should’ve known, too. The way he treated you- it was so obvious. For that, I am sorry, Daisy. I should’ve said something. Honestly,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I should beat his ass.”

Max and Ronnie, who had been trying to make it appear as though they were not eavesdropping, laughed at the last line. I opened up Sam and I’s moment by taking a step back. I gave them space to join us here. Ronnie clasped Sam’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder, “As funny as that would be, he is still your boss. And your bandmate,” she nodded to Max.

The tall blond rolled his eyes with a scoff, “Don’t worry. I’ll try to keep it civil.”

It was my turn to scold. I punched Max in the shoulder to gain his eye contact, “Don’t try. Just do it. He’s not a bad person. He just…sucks. A little bit.”

Talking about him, living in the truth of the situation, confronting all the dark realizations- it was a heavy weight to bear. I felt my shoulder slinking forward, as though I were Atlas with the dark, cloudy sky above me. Though I didn’t want to be rid of these three, I needed to be gone already. I needed to go before it all came crashing down again. I didn’t want anybody else to see me cry again. It was…embarrassing, to say the least.

So, I allowed one last hug from each of them and then turned towards my gate. I boarded the plane, mindlessly, going through all of the motions. Like I was used to leaving, like I was good at it. Like I was strong. But, I felt weak. I felt heavy and sad and angry and…

The city was gray. I remember it being sunny, summer-weather, though there had been a chill in the air. He always said it was. Maybe it always had been and I was…crazy. Wide-eyed. Desperate or naive or whatever.

But it was clear as day now, how dreary it looked from this airplane window. The wind whipped at the airline workers, shuffling luggage to their places, green vests billowing up. My breath fogged at the window which narrowed my pointed gaze. It seemed the plane was being pumped full of heat. I hadn’t realized it was that cold outside.

I guess fall was coming.

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your reminder to place your devices on airplane mode. We are approaching take-off,” a thick, European accent declared over the PA system.

I wrestled to retrieve my phone from my bookbag, which was squished in between my feet. When I was able to lift it towards me, the screen lit up. There was a buzz from the device that vibrated my hand then the appearance of a text message.

Oliver: Daisy, I need to tell you…

The message cut itself off, only the sneakpeek visible due to the system settings I had on my device.

It was ominous, though, like it had chosen to cut itself off there.

The tail end of that message could be- anything.

Daisy, I need to tell you…you’re a dumb bitch?

…I fucking hate you.

I love you?

Please, stay?

I don’t think I wanted to know.

My thumb hesitated over the screen, barely gracing it’s smooth glass. If I tapped on the message, if I saw what he said…would it change things?

Would it make me hate him even more?

Would it make me want to stay?

I didn’t want anything else to make my decisions anymore. I wanted to make my own choices, based on my own actions, thoughts. I was tired of living up to everybody’s image of me. If that was all I learned this summer, to be true to what I wanted, to be true to myself…then maybe this summer wasn’t so bad after all.

Maybe there had been something to find- maybe that something was me.

The shaking in my hands must’ve made the screen react to a ghost of my fingerprint. The option to scan my face ID came as soon as a flight attendant passed by my section, a bright smile on their face.

“Hi, friend! Did you put your device on airplane mode?” They asked with a slight gesture towards my phone.

I glanced back at the screen as she pointed. The message was open. That’s where it had ended, what Oliver had sent to me. “I need to tell you something.” But, he was still typing, still coming up with words to say.

My hands moved quickly, sliding down the menu and thumbing the airplane option. If he were still typing, I couldn’t see it anymore.

And any messages he may try to send would go green, undelivered, lost.

Forgotten, in the skies, somewhere between London and Germany, during the beginning of a cold, cold autumn.

#sleep token #sleep token x reader #vessel x reader #sleep token smut #sleep token x you #vessel x you #vessel sleep token #sleep token band #sleep token fanfic #sleep token iii

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opheliachoi99 · 1 day ago

Text

Meet Me on the East Side ❥𓂃𓏧

FEATURING : Yukimiya Kenyu, Itoshi Sae, Oliver Aiku, and Nagi Seishiro

ABOUT : They were your highschool sweethearts, puppy love to be exact, but time changes when you graduated highschool. Cheat incidents, Fell out of love, focusing on priorities, or basically just ghosting you out of the blue. But years past as your paths met once again, will you give them a chance?

note : this a multiverse AU, the plots were inspired by two songs ; Eastside by Benny Blanco, Halsey, and Khalid, and Knees by Bebe Rexha. Choose any of the two to listen to. Enjoy!

❥･• Yukimiya Kenyu

— Many students knew that you were inseparable. Kenyu, being the star player in the soccer team of your school, and you, being the head of the student council. He had many fangirls, as much as many fanboys you had as well.

You supported him 24/7 when it comes to their game, you were his number one cheerleader. Everytime you shout his name, his ego becomes unstoppable, resulting him scoring as much he could.

But then as graduation came, you were alone in the bleachers, the day was about to end. The breeze was so soothing, that you took a deep breath, waiting for the love of your love to come over. Since he was the one who wanted to meet you in that certain spot.

The empty soccer field gave you nostalgia, you knew you couldn't see him play in this field again. Instead, you'll see him play in a bigger field. You knew he's going to another city to chase his dream.

"Yuki!! You yelled "Baby! Congrats to us! We finally made it to the end of high school!" You hugged him.

"Y-yeah.." He stuttered worryingly "Is there something wrong?" You asked "I called you here to tell you something.."

You gulped because you were nervous, the vibe seem to drop "I'm breaking up with you.. I need to focus on my career for now.." He coldly stated "W-what?" You stuttered "Is it really necessary? Sure we'll be far apart but we can still contact each other! I don't care how many days you will reply, as long as you update me.. I understand you're focusing on your career but.. Am I the reason who's pulling you down?" He couldn't answer, so he went silent. You started crying "Yuki please.. There must be some other way—"

"I made my decision. I'm sorry. I truly love you but, it's for the best.." He caressed your cheek one more time before he walked away.

You were stunned, couldn't move at all. Everything happened so suddenly. Your knees went weak, and you cried so hard, that your voice echoed all around the empty field and bleachers.

— 15 years later —

You're now a CEO of your favourite organization, Blue Lock. It's been your dream to be the head of your favourite sport, well.. Used to be..

But you still grasped that dream because ever since, your passion was to lead. Even though you couldn't do the certain things, but you were insanely amazing in leading them. You graduated from Business school with latin honours, in which led to where you are now.

It's been 15 years since you two lost contact. The last conversation you had with Yukimiya was during graduation, which was tragic.

But you did see him on television, and he indeed. Became one of the best strikers worldwide, representing Japan. You despised him a lot, but deep inside, you were still that little highschool girl who was proud of him wherever he was now.

You still loved him..

Sure, you dated some dudes in college, but he was that guy where you would give up everything for him. Well, it's sort of true where first love is indeed irreplaceable.

Your secretary Anri, gave some news for you "I GOT NEWS! Ego brought some amazing soccer players! You should check their profiles out!" There she handed a USB filled with all the players' profile.

"Thanks Anri, I'll check these out! Would you mind bringing me more coffee?" She agreed and politely left your office.

You sat down and plugged in the USB on your computer. There were around 300 players in Blue Lock "Hmm they sure are talented players here, wow.."

You scrolled and saw the Top 11 best players in Blue Lock, and froze as you saw who was number 5.

"Y-yuki.." You gently pressed your mouse to open his profile, he definitely became more attractive. You analyzed all his personal info, it seems his eyesight was getting worse.. You suddenly feel worried, because you knew his eyesight was already bad during highschool, but it didn't stop him from playing soccer. You saw his favourites, likes and dislikes. You simply chuckled "I guess he never changed at all.." Then you stumble across the "my type" section.

Type : [ Someone who laughs a lot and will always watch over me, support me, and love me for who I am. Someone who's really good at leading me. ]

A tear dropped from your eye "H-he.." Suddenly Anri barged in with the coffee you asked her to fetch for you "Here's your coffe— Hey? Are you crying? Is everything alright?" You immediately wiped your eye and smiled as if nothing happened "N-no! I'm all good!" Anri had suspicions but she just brushed it off.

"Hey, we'll be meeting the top 11 later on, we'll train them before the U-20 tournament will commence" You simply nodded. "Of course, I'll be there." Anri happily left your office, you simply sighed.

"After 15 years I'm finally meeting you again..."

— Timeskip —

"Welcome Diamonds in the rough.. You made it this far.." Ego stated. "Today we'll be preparing for the U-20 tournament.." You noticed there were small amounts of players in the lobby, you simply whispered to Anri "I thought there were around 300 people- only top 11?" Anri whispered back "These are the surviving players. The rest, eliminated." You quietly gasped.

You tried looking for him in the crowd until the door opened. There, Itoshi Rin, Shidou Ryusei, Bachira Meguru, Isagi Yoichi, and..

"Yuki.." You felt relieved "Wait.. No.. Why am I like this- he's your ex!" You talked to yourself "Ex? Who?" Anri gasped "ONE OF THE PLAYERS HERE IS YOUR EX?!?" You covered her mouth "It was way back highschool okay? That was only puppy love-" You defended.

"Oh sure~ wait until I found out who is your ex!" Anri teased "As if-"

"Hey! You two! What the heck are you guys blabbering about?!" Ego angrily called you two out which brought attention to everyone in the lobby.

"Shit." All were eyes on you two "SORRY GUYS! You may continue Ego! Hehe sorry-" Anri pulled you out of the lobby.

But before you got out of the lobby one special person laid eyes on you "Eien..?" He called out, but you couldn't hear him.

( Eien means Eternal means 日本語 ) It was his endearment to you before.

"HE SAW ME-" You panicked. You felt nostalgia because the same feeling where you had a crush on him during your freshman years in highschool "This feeling brings back so many memories-" You mumbled "You still love him don't you?" Anri teased "What if I still am..?"

"BUT I HATE HIM!" You suddenly yelled "He dumped me because he wanted to focus on his soccer career!" Suddenly you had flashbacks and started crying. "Hey.. Look, I don't know the full story, but it seems you really loved this person.."

"I still do Anri, I still do.." She didn't know what to do so instead, she hugged and comforted you until you stopped crying.

Little did you know, some of the boys, and Yukimiya overheard you and Anri. "Dang, she looks so hurt-" Bachira grieved "If I was her friend I would've choked the dude to death "Hiori innocently spoke "Woah- isn't that a bit too far—?" Yukimiya defended "No-? He could've just taken the Long-distance relationship so what?" Hiori added which the other boys agreed.

Yukimiya felt guilt all over him as he saw how hurt you were..

"Had I made the wrong decision?"

— Timeskip —

You went out to get some fresh air. Your eyes were still swollen from crying so much earlier, you decided to head to the open soccer field nearby, and laid on the middle of the field. You let out a huge sigh "Gosh, why are these feelings coming back.. It's been 15 years. Move on dammit!" You fought with yourself.

There was a moment of silence until you got startled as you heard a familiar voice.

"That makes the two of us now, I'm glad"

You sat up as you couldn't believe it "Yukimiya.." "What happened to 'yuki'?" He asked "Do I still need to call you that? We're not together anymore right?" You suddenly went back to your senses, you were furious "Eien, I'm sorry..." "Stop calling me that, we're done." You coldly stated "And what are you doing here?! You're not allowed to get out" You added "Well I escaped, and followed you here.." You went silent.

"Hey, I saw you crying earlier, my chest was aching see you cry, knowing it was because of me... I deserve to be choked by Hiori indeed..." He looked down "You better be! I really hate you so much!" You angrily spoke. "I had a tough time Kenyu.. You left me there, I couldn't get to explain myself properly that time.. You left me without saying a proper goodbye.." You cried "It hurts.. IT HURTS! 15 YEARS! I should've gone to therapy at this point.."

"Hey, don't say that.. I totally understand your pain, I was a jerk that time.. I was only thinking of myself during that moment... I was immature, I'm sorry..." He apologised "Look, I know you can't forgive me, but believe me, ever since I broke up with you, I never dated ever again. If you saw my type in my profile, I was describing you.." He suddenly cried.

"I know. I saw. Why are you crying? Don't prey yourself. I totally understood you prioritizing your career that time, it's my decision to continue loving you until this day." You coldly stated "Can we start over?" He asked "I promise, I won't leave you like that again.. And this time I'll prioritize my career, and you.. Eien.." He cupped your cheeks "I know it's been 15 years, it was so long ago, but.. Can we?" He desperately added.

"Give me time.." You replied "I'll ask you out again, starting from the beginning.. This time, I've changed, I grew." He suddenly kissed you passionately, the breeze swiftly touched your skin, melted from his kiss "Fine, but if you'll leave me again, there's no more chances, I'll definitely move on, even if it takes another 15 years to move on." You both laughed.

On the corner bush, there was Anri and Ego spying on the both of you "Bingo! So Yukimiya Kenyu, Top 5 striker in Blue Lock was her ex.." "What the heck are you talking about-?" Ego curiously asked "Oh, nothing, I just witnessed broken pieces glued back together."

❥･• Itoshi Sae

— You and Sae were both an athlete couple in highschool. Him as a soccer player, while you as a gymnast.

You two were the star in your campus, everyone dreamed to have a relationship like you two, both talented and never declining face cards. As you both graduated highschool, the two of you were given an opportunity to your dream university, you in France, while Sae in Spain. Sure, both of you were headed to Europe, but you'll still be miles away from each other.

But despite that, you two handled the long distance relationship. Updating 24/7, late night talks every night, and daily messaging every morning.

But one night, you tried calling Sae. Usually he would answer in a millisecond, but he didn't tonight. You tried again but this time, he purposely did not answer the call.

Your brows furrowed "What on earth is his problem?" You sound pissed. A few minutes later, he messaged you, but your eyes widen from his sudden message for you.

Love ♡ : [ Hey.. Sorry for not answering your calls, I was trying to type this message for you. I'm really sorry for what I'm about to say to you, I hope you would understand me. I'm sorry but I'm breaking up with you. I can't have too much distractions. I need to focus on my career first, maybe in our next life, we can be together, without any distractions. I'm really sorry again. Good luck on your journey as an gymnast in Paris. I'm sorry. ]

— Love ♡ cleared your nickname —

— Itoshi Sae cleared his own nickname —

— Itoshi Sae blocked you —

You were too stunned to even let out a word. You read his message, again and again, trying to cope with his message he just sent you. All you did was to cry..

"Sae.. Why.." You cried all night, forgetting to train yourself for tomorrow. You cared less about it and went to bed and sobbed until daylight..

Weeks passed since your break up with Sae. You can't seem to keep up with training because your mind was too empty at the moment.

"Mon chéri, what's wrong?" Your instructor approached you "Why the long face?" She added "Oh nothing Madame! Just thinking about something these days" You covered it with a smile "Are you sure? You must focus! Your recital is coming up and special guests will be there, you can't disappoint them are you?" She replied.

"No madame, I won't." You finally got back to your senses and went back on track.

"I don't care about stupid Itoshi Sae anymore, if he's focusing on his career, why shouldn't I?"

— 8 years later —

Roses, tulips and confetti rain over you as you bowed after your grand performance, applauses were echoing the whole auditorium.

As the curtains closed, you let out a huge sigh "What a night!" You went back stage and got greeted by the staff "Mon chéri! You did amazing! I'm so proud of you for making this far! From performing, to competing soon enough! Your tournament is next week, are you ready?" Your instructor proudly asked "Yes! Of course madame! I should bring my fiancé too, if that's alright with you?" You asked.

"Of course! A little support couldn't hurt right?" She chuckled. You smiled in relief, I'll be telling him madame! Thank you so much!" "As you should! That man certainly inspired you does he?" You happily nodded.

— Timeskip —

"Finally! It's over, we won again!! We won against France's star soccer team!" Charles proudly cheered "Indeed, I could use a warm dip in the bathtub tonight with the view of the eiffel tower" Shidou added "I'm going to watch the gymnast competition tonight!" Ness also added "Competition? Tonight? Interesting, I'll come with!!" Charles replied "Hmm, I suppose I should watch too, I love flexible women" Shidou cheekily laughed.

"What about you Sae, aren't you tagging along?" Kaiser asked "No thanks, I should train instead." Sae coldly stated "AWW C'MON BRO!! Just this one time! We deserve this, right everyone?" Ness pleaded. "And besides, the star gymnast is competing too! She'll surely win! I saw her tricks and wow she's spectacular!" Ness added "We should go!" Charles said as everyone followed.

Kaiser's phone rang "Oh, gotta answer this, you should come along Sae, my fiancé is competing too. You should see her, she's too perfect" Kaiser said with admiration with his eyes. "I see, sure, I'll try to come along" Sae answered "Good, gotta go.. Hello? liebe? Yes?" Kaiser closed the door as he left.

Ness was preparing to go but Sae stopped him "Hey, may I know who's the star gymnast who is competing tonight?" "Oh!! Wait here!" Ness showed a video of you performing. Sae paused for a moment. "She's... She's m—"

"Magnificent right!?" Ness interrupted, now let's go! He said as he pulled Sae out of the locker room.

"She was once mine..."

— Timeskip —

You took a deep breath as the whole gymnasium was yours to perform on "You can do it Mon chéri, I know you can!" Your instructor cheered "Thank you madame!" You finally had the confidence to come out the gymnasium and showed yourself, you were glimmering, as your shiny fitting dress has reflected the spotlight.

"Here goes nothing" You motivated yourself.

"THAT'S HER!!! WOOO!!" Ness screamed "Wow, isn't she a beauty~" Shidou flirtly spoke "Damn- she's really flexible, does she even have bones?" Charles jokingly said "What the fuck?" Sae suddenly spoke which startled Shidou and Charles "Chill bro- what are you on" Shidou defended "Yeah- you sounded like you're her boyfriend" Ness and Charles added.

"BECAUSE I WAS." They went silent "Be for real right now-" Charles spoke "No way-" Ness added "Psh- you're joking" Shidou rolled his eyes.

"I'll prove it. Watch me." Sae sat back and continuously watching you.

"Did he went cuckoo?" Shidou asked which Ness and Charles only shrugged.

Sae admired you so much, he reminisced the time when you two were just in highschool.

— Flashback —

"Love! Haha! Look!" You called out to Sae "Okay, wait.. Okay now!" He yelled.

You showed your triple flips then a smooth landing with a split. "How'd I do?" "WOO!! THAT'S MY GIRL! You did so well love! I can't wait to see you performing like that during nationals!" You pounced at him causing you two to fall on the ground.

Laughter echoed the field, you two were so happy, you were on top of Sae, faces inches away from each other. "Let's chase our dreams okay?" You said "Of course my love let's chase them together." He replied then passionately kissed you, you kissed back. It was one of the most romantic moments you two ever made.

— Present time —

He saw you successfully landed on the last move you did and bowed. You looked around the gymnasium, everyone cheered for you, he smiled. He knew he was proud of you. You saw Shidou, Ness, and Charles cheering, so you did the same.

The three turned to you and thought you were weird, but brushed it off after.

You were the last contender. It was time to announce the winners. It was intense, but you remained calm and confident.

On the other hand, Sae was worried and nervous for you, he prayed you would get the gold medal, if you did, then you will be representing France for the internationals.

Everyone cheered as your name was announced as the first place, you were speechless, you had mixed emotions.

You got up on the podium feeling overwhelmed. Everyone chanted your name, you looked around, but your eyes landed on a familiar person.

No it can't be..

You saw Sae happily jumping with his teammates yelling "She did it!!" You didn't know what to feel. But joy overshadowed all your feelings at the moment.

"Wait- Where's Kaiser?" Ness asked.

— Timeskip —

As you were wiping your sweat with a face towel, Sae approached you, which startled you.

"Hey... Congrats.. I-I'm so proud of you.." He stuttered, feeling awkward from the conversation.

"Sae?" You paused "What are you doing here?" Your brows furrowed again, you hated seeing him at this time "We had a game here in France, and my teammates wanted to watch your competition, I didn't want come along, not until Ness showed me one of your performance, you did really good.."

"Don't do this to me Sae, showing up out of the blue after you cut ties with me 8 years ago.. What are you on?" You spoke as you felt pissed.

"Hey, look.. I'm sorry okay? I wasn't thinking straight that time, I was too stressed.. I couldn't tell you what happened to me that time." He defended.

"No need, I moved on. But I'm really thankful to see you tonight, even though it was unexpected." You chuckled "I'm too immature to long a grudge on you right?" You added, he awkwardly laughed "Yeah.." He cleared his throat, "Hey, uhm- how were you? Should we have dinner sometime?"

You simply chuckled "I would but, I couldn't. My fiancé might burn you to pieces, and I wouldn't want that" "Fiancé—?" Sae asked.

"Liebe, ready to go— Sae? What are you doing here? I thought you wouldn't come?" Kaiser entered as he was playing with his car keys. "Kaiser? Wait.."

"Oh? You two know each other?" You asked "Yes schatz, Sae is my teammate. I haven't mentioned, sorry liebe" Kaiser answered "How 'bout you Sae? How did you know my fiancé? Quite unexpected honestly" Kaiser asked.

"Oh.. Uhm- we go to the same highschool before.. Yeah.." Sae coldly replied.

You went silent, knowing that your ex and your soon-to-be husband is on the same soccer team. You decided to take a deep breath and cleared your throat "So~ uhm.. I guess we should get going Micha? Can you grab my bag? Thanks" "Oh sure liebe, I go get it" Kaiser left you and Sae.

"So..."

You both went silent. "Well, at least we finally reached our dream right? Me, being the star gymnast, and you as a star midfielder, and overall your team itself is famous, right?" You awkwardly laugh.

"I'm... Too late am i?" Sae looked at you desperately "Sae.. I-"

"I'm so sorry I left you.. I'm glad Kaiser is treating you better now.. I wanted to be him again, but.. I guess I was too late" He forced a smile.

"I'm sorry Sae.."

"Let's go schatz? See you Sae, call me if we're training tomorrow hmm?" Kaiser said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

You turned back seeing Sae looking so lost. You mouthed 'thank you, and I'm sorry..'

Sae just watch you disappear from the room, letting out a smile but tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"I love you.. But you're not mine anymore.."

❥･• Oliver Aiku

— You two were an amazing duo, but sometimes you two couldn't get along as well. Some say you were in a toxic relationship, but you didn't listen because you were so inlove with him.

But there was one time where Aiku invited you to go to a KTV bar with him. You simply agreed cause you thought it would be another date.

You wore a beautiful blue satin dress, excitedly you messaged him you were on the way "I can't wait to see him again!"

— Timeskip —

You arrived at the KTV bar and asked the counter which room was Number 308, she happily led you to that room. "Here's the room miss!" "Thank you so much!"

As you were about to enter the room, you peeked on the small window of the door. There you saw disco lights and the room was dim, but you clearly saw Aiku— with another girl..

Your head was boiling as you barged in the room "OLIVER AIKU! WHAT IN THE FUCKERY IS THIS?" You yelled.

"Woah- my love chill, this is Denise. Denise, this is my girlfriend" It seems Aiku was drunk. "Girlfriend? I thought I was your girlfriend?" The girl looked confused.

"YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME?!?! I DID NOT EXPECT TO BE IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP!" You cried. "We're over Aiku." Before you could walk out, he grabbed your wrist "Wait baby! Don't go! I can explain—" A huge slap landed on Aiku's face "Don't TOUCH me!" You flicked your arm and left the KTV room..

As you left the room, you cried. You couldn't believe what had happened just now..

"They were right, I was in a toxic relationship... I was too blind to see it.." You ran out of the venue and went home.

— 6 years later —

You just got home from work, exhausted. You were working full-time in the office, but your exhaustion disappeared as your 6-year old son ran to you. "Mama!!"

"Aww my baby Ollie, how are you? Did the maid gave you dinner?" You hugged him.

"She did mama! But I don't want to eat without you, I want to eat McDonald's with you! Please please!" You chuckled "Well, I am hungry too so~ let's go?" "Yay!!" He cutely cheered.

— Some time later —

You two were walking home from an alley, bringing take-out McDonald's when you see two men approaching you, they weren't friendly.

"Ollie get behind me." You sternly said as your son went back "Mama... I'm scared.." They were about to steal from you but someone pounced them from behind. "Look out!"

He fought the two men with ease, but at the same time he got injured. "Oh my goodness are you oka— OLIVER?!?!"

"I'm fine— MY LOVE?" You smacked him with your heavy shoulder bag which passed him out. "Oh shit- why did I do that-"

"Mama..? Why did you hit Mr. Hero? He saved us but you hurt him.." Ollie tugged your jacket. "I'm sorry baby, mama seemed to have reflexes-"

You decided to bring Aiku to your home, you carried him, and dang he was heavy. Your son kept laughing all the way home.

— Timeskip —

Aiku finally woke up in a place where he's unfamiliar with "Shit- where am I-?" Ollie was peaking in the door from the outside, checking up on Aiku "Hey little guy, don't be scared, do you know where I am?" Aiku asked gently.

"You're in our house Mr. Hero, mama placed you in the guest room, you were badly hit by mama, I'm sorry mama hit you.." Ollie answered.

Aiku simply chucked "It's okay, little one, your mama must be scared that's why, by the way what's your name?"

"Ollie" He said as he gave you a piece of chicken nugget. "Eat." Aiku gladly accepted the kid's nugget. He noticed Ollie's eyes were just like his, "Hey little one, look, your eyes look like mine, see?" Ollie gasped, you're right! I have heter— het— hetetormia!" Aiku laughed "Heterochemia little one, it's okay, nice try!" The both of them laughed. "Where's your papa?"

"I don't know, mama said, my real papa is nowhere to be found, but, I have a new papa!" Ollie happily said. Aiku went silent, "Really? What happened to your real papa?"

"I don't know, mama does not tell me.." Aiku went silent again.

"Mama!! Mr. Hero is awake!" Ollie happily went to you "Yes, I can see that baby.. Go to auntie maid first if that's okay, I need to talk to "Mr. Hero" here hmm?" You stated "Okay!" Ollie ran downstairs.

"T-thank you—"

"What were you doing in that alleyway?" You inserted "I was gonna ask you that? What were you doing in that alleyway with a child?!? That place is dangerous!"

"It was the shortest way home alright?! I'm too tired but my son wanted McDonald's with me, how could I say no?"

"But you should've at least rode a taxi back-?" "Why are you so concerned Aiku?"

"Answer me. Is that my child?"

You went silent. "Tell me please.."

"And what if he's yours? We're way over now Aiku, thank you for saving us, you may now leave the house now." Aiku grabbed your wrist "Pfft, this is nostalgic isn't it?" You flicked your arm "Nostalgia my ass, now leave."

"Please, if he's my son, can I make it up to him at least? Since when did you get pregnan—"

"THE MOMENT YOU LEFT ME." You both went silent. "H-how?"

"After I broke up with you, as soon as I got home, I felt sick." He went silent

"And when I had a gut feeling, I took the test. And it was positive.. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I SUFFERED RAISING A CHILD ALONE.. I never thought of abortion, never ever! Even if the father of the child was a jerk!"

"I-I'm sorr—"

"But I'm happily engaged to someone else now, who's a father figure to Ollie. We're totally happy, he bought a house for us to settle in, got me into a perfect job, a tiring one but still thankful. And a loving man." You cried. Aiku couldn't let out a word.

"My life had been a roller coaster ride, but Ollie was a blessing to me. And I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world."

"Can I at least... Be responsible for the child? For making it up?"

"I'm home!" A man called out from downstairs "That's him." You said as you went out of the room, and soon Aiku followed.

"Papa!!!" Ollie ran towards Barou and he carried Ollie. "How's my sweet boy doing?"

"Me and mama almost got snatched but luckily Mr. Hero saved us!" Ollie happily reported.

"Mr. Hero?" Barou asked as he landed his eyes on you and Aiku "Honey.." Barou knew between you and Aiku

"Love, I know.. Oliver, thank you, for everything. But I think you should leave.." You sternly said. "But I don't want Mr. Hero to go!!" Ollie cried. "It's okay little one, I have to go.. Call me Uncle Oliver, okay?" He said as he pats your son's head.

"Okay Uncle Oliver! When can we see each other again?" Ollie innocently asked.

"Soon, little one. Soon.." Aiku said as he bid you and Barou farewell and left.

As Aiku got out from the house, he looked back and saw your shadows from the window looking so lively, like a small but perfect family.

"I'm glad your doing well, my love.."

❥･• Nagi Seishiro

— You two are quite known as gamer couples during highschool, it may seem cliché, but for you, it's heaven. Imagine, playing your favourite games with the love of your life.

Nagi seems to be the lazy type but he is really good with hygiene and cleanliness. And he's really good in taking care of you. You didn't know why people call him 'lazy', when he's with you, he's the opposite of lazy, I mean he does act like a sloth, but he was never lazy in your eyes. He always come over to your apartment to play games with you, sometimes study date.

You also got used to his way of messaging you, he takes so long to reply. Sometimes he ghosts you, but when he's with you personally, he's really "boyfriend material".

Though recently, he soon joined soccer with Reo, his best friend. He was effortlessly good at it, I mean- he's the boyfriend who can do it all. You were proud of it, and you weren't sad at all, because he always found a way to make time with you by playing games.

But one time, you noticed he wasn't online. Even the online games, RPG, all offline.

"Huh- that's weird" You tried calling him through number and social medias but no answers. You gaslighted yourself maybe he was busy. But those "busy days" you thought Nagi had went for over 2 months now.

You felt betrayed, he ghosted you for 2 months now. Which was weird, because even Reo, you couldn't contact him.

You had enough, you went to the sports office in your school, and ask where Nagi had gone. Their coach said that they had an invitation from a certain soccer school. But usually Nagi would update you if ever where he was. You overthought, maybe the place they went took their devices, which is funny- because it would look like they were prisoned.

— 2 years later —

It's been 2 years since Nagi ghosted you, you're finally a freshman in college. You graduated without him, you felt sad but you had to continue. You never held a grudge over Nagi, because you still love him.

"Wherever you are right now Shiro.. Always remember I am here supporting you from afar.." You spoke to yourself as you felt the breeze brushed your skin.

You're a college student currently taking Computer Science. It's been you and Nagi's dream to develop a game, but you two couldn't figure out what game would you develop. So you decided to study about computer logic for now..

— Timeskip —

You overheard your blockmates about this "Blue Lock", everyone was so hype about it. You were curious so you asked one of them "Uhm— excuse me.. What's this Blue Lock you guys are talking about-?"

"Oh! It's a team of soccer players who are playing against U-20, you know Sendou? Omg he's so hot!" They squealed "Soccer?" You repeated "You heard that right!" The other one replied.

Hmm.. Blue Lock.. Interesting..

— Timeskip —

As you got home, you opened your laptop and checked this Blue Lock thing everyone was so hyped about.

It showed soccer players, who were indeed going to play againt the other team called U-20.

You scrolled through the player's profile, and..

You gasped. "NAGI!?!"

You pressed his profile to see if it was really him. "It really is him... He's going to be playing against the U-20, and he's part of the Top 11 in blue lock? Wow, Shiro... I never knew you went this far.."

Then you saw the other players who will be back-up players for the game, then you saw Reo.. "Mikage— REO?!?!" You gasped once again "How many chapters did I miss?!?!" You noticed Nagi's features matured "He changed a lot.."

You researched on where to buy a ticket for the game and...

"Bingo!"

— Timeskip —

It was time of the game, and soon enough you arrived just in time, and as you were finding a place to sit, you saw someone selling jerseys. Then you saw a Jersey with Nagi's name on it.

You comfortably sat on a seat with Nagi's jersey. "This is cozy-" You surprisingly complimented.

There it was, the players came from from the inner gymnasium and you finally saw your white haired cutie "LET'S GO SHIRO!!!"

The person sitting next to you "Who are you supporting to?" "My boyfriend" You proudly said, they gave you a judging look but you didn't care. You were admiring Nagi from afar.

The game soon started and majority of the people where only cheering for U-20. "Why aren't they supporting Blue Lock?" You asked yourself.

The game was neck-to-neck, but then suddenly Nagi got the ball, and did an insane trick.

"Nice to meet you Japan. I'm Nagi Seishiro!" He kicked the ball and scored a goal for Blue Lock.

Everyone went silent, everyone was too stunned to speak even his teammates.

"Uhh— did I mess up introducing myself?"

Everyone cheered, the crowd goes wild. Blue Lock got up from their bench and cheered on, even U-20 was impressed by the skill Nagi has executed.

You went silent for a moment, as if everything blurred around you.

"That's your boyfriend right?" The person next to you interacted again. You couldn't respond because you were too focused on Nagi.

"Shiro... You've evolved..."

— Timeskip —

It was 3-3, it was tie and only 5 minutes. You were shivering, worried because the game was on the edge of the tightrope.

"Please please..." You manifested.

Suddenly one of Nagi's teammate berserked from the opposing teams blind spot, then he scored.

3-4

Blue Lock won..

Everyone cheered, the crowd went insane. You cried, you did not expect these two whole years, your boyfriend ghosted you because he was intensely training in Blue Lock.

"I'm so proud of you.. Shiro.."

— The next day —

Overnight, you finally decided what game you would develop, a soccer simulation. Where everyone can be a soccer player.

You fell asleep on your desk with the screen with full-brightness. Someone was knocking on your doorstep.

You were too tired to wake up so you didn't care about the knocking on the door, but you soon heard a key unlocking your door.

You wanted to check it out but your body was too heavy to sit up, you only had an hour sleep, because you were up all night developing the game.

You soon felt a kiss on the cheek, and was carried in bridal style. "Hmm.." You groaned "I'm home baby.." You heard a familiar soothing voice. "Hmm.." Is all you could answer.

As you woke up, you noticed you were already in bed, you swore you were sleeping on your computer desk. You saw a glass of milk and cookies on your side bed and Choki beside the food. "Choki?"

You soon turned to your computer desk, a fluffy white hair peeking out on your computer chair, doing some typing and clicking.

You tried to approach slowly, but he turned the chair immediately and pounced on you.

"SHIRO?!!" Both of you made a thug sound as you fell to the floor "Hi baby." Nagi was now on top of you. "I'm home." He calmly said as he laid on you. "GAH!! You're heavy, get off!" You cried.

He assisted you to sit up and suddenly kissed you "I missed you.." He pouted. "You literally ghosted me for 2 years you lazy ass." You rolled your eyes "I thought you never thought of me as lazy..."

"I'm mad at you. Hmph— HEY!" He carried you and led both of you to bed "I saw the game you developed, you knew huh?" He brushed your cheeks "Yeah, I watched your game yesterday, you did amazing out there"

"How did you know? I couldn't update you... Our phones were confiscated" You laughed "I KNEW IT!" You laughed again "I knew Blue Lock because the university I'm in were talking about it, you're literally the topic of the students" You chuckled.

"Oh how I missed your laugh..." He said as he snuggles himself in your body. "Even though you ghosted me for 2 years straight, I still waited for you.." You suddenly felt emotional. "I'm sorry for making you wait baby, how 'bout we snuggle the whole day straight?" He suggested. "But.. The game?"

"The game can wait, for now, I want you.. It's been so long since I scented you... I missed you so so much.." Nagi buried his face onto your chest, you simply chuckled.

"You physically changed, but you're still the Nagi Seishiro I know.." "I grew taller didn't I?" You both laughed "Yes you did Shiro.. Yes you did.."

You both fell asleep in that position, you indeed will be sleeping the whole day, after a chaotic week you just had.

End.

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock x female reader #blue lock x reader #bllk yukimiya #yukimiya kenyu #bllk sae #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #oliver aiku #bllk aiku #blue lock aiku #bllk nagi #nagi seishiro #blue lock au

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teaguehq · 3 days ago

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I'm glad you have more an appreciation for Calgary for staying here with me! And aside from the cold, I have to admit it's a nice city for all the fun things we've had the chance to see together. Seeing them with you makes them all the more fun, of course. That works out perfectly because I love attending your premieres and especially getting to see your projects on the big screen! I just know how much you put into your work, so it's no surprise it ends up being something special. People like a man in uniform for a reason, and I'm sure I'll be no different when I see Warfare, which you know I'm excited to see! I'm so happy you're not having to work either, and that I'm getting a little vacation for the holidays. It gave me the chance to finally drag you down to Florida with me, which I'm so happy you wanted to! Besides, we were due some warm weather after all that cold in Calgary and New York, don't you think? We can definitely think of a fun Halloween costume for next year, though closer to so we can match whichever ones are popular at the time if we'd like to. I'm sure it'll be just as fun dressing up with you again as it was this year! I appreciate that you'll always be understanding about distance when it comes to our relationship, and it certainly puts my mind at ease about ever losing you to that. Plus it means the world to me that we can celebrate our achievements together, including landing new roles! I can't help that being in your arms is so comforting, especially after a long day on set, so it's a good thing you don't mind the clinginess! You're already thinking up some new dates to plan? Because you know I'm interested in hearing those! And I may be planning something fun for Tampa while we're here, so it means a lot that you enjoy them. I think we both have a soft spot for the hot springs in Calgary, and no doubt we'll have to visit them again before my filming there is over. Recreating everything we've done there has been a lot of fun too, and you know I'm always up for that. I'm all for staying a little longer to take advantage of the hot springs since that seems like the perfect post-filming celebration. Not to mention I always love hot tubs with you, and loved them when we visited New York. I'm blushing a little at your saying you love me being all yours, and honestly, I like that too, along with you being all mine. If you love the way I look in your knitted items, just means you might have to knit more for me, don't you think? That feeling is so mutual, wanting to be near you, and it's impossible not to miss you when you're away. I'd wondered if Bach would be okay with traveling, so I'm just glad he's been such a good sport about it! And I'll still keep the secret about you liking my cuddles more than his and me liking your cuddles more, don't worry. It'll definitely be fun to meet up with Anya and Jamie in Paris to see the secret entrances to the Catacombs, and you know I'll always hold your hand through it all, too. I'd love to go back to that pub and see if it floods again, and if you'll have to carry me over your shoulder! I can't help blushing when you say things like I'm the sexiest, which it still feels a bit surreal that you think so. Though I'll always think you're more sexy, that's a given! Kissing you will always be the best way to start the day, and it's part of why I enjoy you being with me so much. We did an amazing job at breaking in your New York place, without a doubt, and I'm already looking forward to doing that all over again next time we're in the city. And my place too, since I know we have to break that in a little more. You're happy being where I am? That makes me happy to hear when it's so mutual, though I will say that I'm always willing to travel to London with you whenever you're missing it.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the bar with live music, since it's one of my favorite spots in New York! Dancing with you honestly just made it all the better. I'm all for taking more cooking classes too, because you're right, we need to learn more recipes to fill those books with! I'm happy you're as enthusiastic about that as I am, along with finding new meals we'll both enjoy. I'd been looking forward to the trip also, and we can go and meet Bentley tomorrow if you'd like! And you're thinking of giving the sanctuary a donation? You have such a kind heart, and I know they'd appreciate that a lot since like you said, they always need the funds to help out. I was happy you didn't mind meeting my parents, which I knew they'd like you! They'd been curious about you too, and I think they're relieved I'm with someone who's as amazing as you are. I understand being nervous since I'm nervous about meeting your family too, though I'm going to trust that they'll like me as much as you say. I'm excited to take you camping later in the week too, since I know a really great spot for it near a ranch where we can even see some cattle! I think that'll make it all the more fun. I'd love to visit those thermal pools in Turkey, especially since we already have a soft spot for those, and the surroundings are gorgeous. Having so many holidays planned suits me just fine too, when I'd love to see the world with you. And your spoiling me is honestly the best bonus, though you should expect some spoiling in return! Plus you're welcome to wake me up that way as many times as you'd like, given I enjoy it so much to start the day. Between that and our morning showers, I feel like I'm becoming more of a morning person, too. You don't have to be nervous about scaring me off, especially when I don't think that's possible. You…you love me? And think about all those things like living together and getting married? I can understand being nervous to say it when those are really big things to say, though I'm glad you did. I love you too, and I've known that for a little while - I think I kept quiet for the same reasons, not wanting to scare you and being a little afraid that it would. But I want you forever too, Joseph, and I can't ever see a time I don't, so it just makes me really happy we're on the same page, even if it's a little scary! But neither of us have to be scared when we're on the same page, right? You don't have to worry about me kissing you all the time, since I always will! Well, everyone was pretty amused by us when you made me run off set in the middle of a scene, though it's good to hear everyone's teasing you makes you feel at home! And that's good to know you'll always enjoy those kinds of favors, given they're a lot of fun with you and tend to linger in my mind, too. I always like having hot chocolate on the roof, and you being there and being in your arms just made it all the better, of course. I still smile so much thinking about that surprise in at your place and all the decorations, since you went all out for them, not to mention the red theme! We definitely had a perfect first Christmas together, and New Year's as well! I'm so happy you liked the gifts I gave you too, and we'll have to start mandolin lessons soon, don't you think? I couldn't resist getting you knitting supplies either, knowing hos much you like it! My gifts were so thought and lovely too, and I felt so spoiled! I know I'm never taking that necklace off, not to mention I'm excited about the cruise and planning that when we can! Bringing in the New Year kissing you in Times Square was incredible and I loved every moment. We'll have to go back to Devonian Gardens for another picnic before we leave Calgary too, don't you think? Which, I'm so happy you're not filming for a while and get to stay with me. I know we both need our parents, though it's nice we can take care of each other as well. Because that's mutual, that I'll always do whatever I can to make sure you feel happy and safe. | @josephafq

it's safe to say that you always make me feel amazing, love, and i can't help but feel amazing that i mean so much to you -- especially when you mean so much to me too. i've loved getting to stay with you while you've been filming too, and i'll admit that i've grown kind of fond of calgary! plus, it makes me feel good hearing that things are much better with me being there, i love that so much. i'll just say right now that you're the best date to have, and i love having you on my arm at premieres! though you're making me blush saying i do such amazing work, and it means the world that you think that, love. and it makes me feel good that you can't wait to see warfare as well, and i'm told i look pretty good in uniform, so you'll have some eye candy while watching as well! even though you know i love working, things feel so much better now that i'm not, and i can be with you all the time because i love being able to spend so much time with you. we'll have to think of a cute couple costume for next halloween, don't you think? and you know i'll never agree that i took the title sexy over you, love, though you're right that we both looked pretty amazing, and it was so much fun dressing up with you! again by making me blush, calling me extremely talented, and it feels so good hearing that you're proud of me, you know? you're right, even though we both hate the distance when we're apart, i know we'll both do everything in our power to make it work, and that's all that matters in the end. and it's safe to say when it comes to you -- i'll always be as understanding as i can be, yeah? and i love getting to celebrate with you when you land a new role because you're so talented, and i love when other people are getting to see that too! i'm very glad i don't have to worry about losing you, love, since i truly would be lost without you. and it feels good hearing that you'd never want to lose me either. i love that we're both clingy, it makes me smile when we want to hold onto each other so much. and it makes me feel good knowing that being in my arms is a cure-all for you because i love making you feel better, love, and love having you in my arms after you have a rough day on set. i love making you feel better. i'm so glad that you like the dates i plan, and i'm already thinking up some new dates to plan! it's also safe to say that i love when you plan dates too, love. and the one we had before we left for new york for christmas was amazing! you more than thanked me for always being here for you too, i loved it so much. and you know i love staying at the hotel near the hot springs a whole lot already, and i just love being in the hot springs with you! so it makes me smile to hear you say it's one of your new favorite places, since i love going there with you just as much. and we're getting so good at recreating everything we've both been thinking about when we're there, yeah? you know i'm all for making the hot springs our last visit once you're done filming, love, and maybe we can stay there a little longer too. what do you think? oh, we always have so much fun in hot tubs when we have access to them, right? and i'm so thankful that my building in new york has a hot tub and pool, since we had so much fun using them. especially with the weather being as cold as it was in new york! and i know we'll be doing the same in calgary, since the weather is colder there! glad you think it's adorable that i want you in that state to be for my eyes only -- and it feels good hearing that you want to be the only one that sees me in that state as well. i just love you being all mine, you know? and don't want to share that sight with anyone!

i'm so glad that you love my knitted items, love, and i'll admit that it makes me smile when you wear them as well. and i love the way you look in them -- though it's safe to say i love the way you look in anything! i just always want to be near you, you know? so the moment we're apart, i can't help but miss you. and i'm glad that it's the same for you, love, and i love that you want to be so close to me all the time. i'm glad that you were happy bach has been traveling with us, he travels better than i thought he would, honestly. though i'm glad that you don't love his cuddles more than mine, of course, and we'll just have to keep it from him that you like mine better! i'm glad that i always have you to hold my hand when we go on a haunted adventure with jamie and anya -- and i'll have to let them know about us all meeting up in paris sometime! and from what they tell me, they know all the secret entrances, or are at least always finding some, so it should be fun. it makes me smile when you laugh about me carrying you at the pub, and i love the idea of you laughing if i tossed you over my shoulder to carry you next time, which means we need to go back to that pub so i can do just that, yeah? oh, i love the reaction of you blushing when i call you sexy, which is why i say it so often, but also because you're the sexiest. it makes me smile when you say that you think i'm the sexier of the two of us, even if i don't agree with that, love. i'm glad my kisses that i give you before you need to be on set help start your day so perfectly, especially when i love waking up and being able to kiss you. that's how i feel when we get to sleep in as well, very spoiled, i love getting to be wrapped around you for as long as possible. i'll admit it's fun silencing you with kisses, especially when you laugh a little whenever i do it! it's safe to say we did a very good job of breaking in my new york place for christmas and the new years, wouldn't you agree? and i loved that we got to spend at least one day at your place breaking it in a little, we'll spend more time there though, no doubt about that. it's funny, i'm still not missing london all that much -- though i have a feeling it more has to do with the fact that i'm with you than anything else, and you feel like home to me so i'm happy being wherever you are. it was fun going to a bar in new york that played live music, especially loved when you danced with me. we have to take some more cooking classes, yeah? because we need to fill those recipe books that you got me for christmas, love. and i can't wait to fill them with you, i can't wait to find new things to cook with you. i know i'm going to look forward to going to florida with you, love, and it'll be so much fun meeting bentley since you adore him so much! of course i understand missing you, you're very easy to miss, just saying. the sanctuary runs on donations, yeah? maybe i can give them a little something as well as help out. what do you think? i don't think it's too soon to meet your parents, love, because i really want you to meet my family too. especially when i talk about you so much to them and they can't help but be curious, you know? i'm a little nervous about meeting them, though, because i want them to like me, but can we make a plan to meet them soon? then after i meet your parents -- you can meet my family, who i just know are going to love you. i can't wait to camp with you in flordia, and just spend so much time on holiday with you when we've got the free time, love.

i had a feeling once you looked up the pamukkale thermal pools you would think they were gorgeous -- so i'm glad you're all for heading to turkey for those, and i know you'll love the hotel as well, love. and i'll just say that i love we've got so many holidays planned, you know? i'm going to spoil you so much on every one of them! i'm glad that you think i look so adorable when i blush, that makes me smile and just makes me love when you make me blush all the more. hey, i'll always wake you up that way if you'd like, love, since it's my favorite way to wake you up and all. and i'm glad it makes early mornings a whole lot more fun too, and of course i love our morning showers just as much! yeah? i'm glad to hear there isn't a time when you don't want me, since i spend every day and probably every minute wanting you. i do think about our future a lot, and i'll admit i'm a little nervous sharing some of the things i think about, mostly because i don't want to scare you off. though it makes it easier when you say it feels impossible to not see a future with me, so it makes me feel better about saying it all out loud. but..i think about us in the future settling down together. getting a house, getting married -- even maybe starting a family if that's what we both want. it's scary as hell saying all that out loud; i'm not going to lie, but i…love you and it feels good to lay my emotion cards on the table with you. and i really do want you for as long as i can have you, so please let it be forever, yeah? you're the most beautiful person i know, love, and i'm always going to say that. i love that picturing me pouting makes you want to kiss me, but i love even more being with you so you can kiss me all the time you'd like to, and please kiss me all the time! love, it's so cute that you had to promise him you wouldn't abandon a scene again when i showed up on set this time around. though i love that they tease me a little about it too, it makes me feel pretty welcome there! believe me, anytime you give me something like the favor you return, i'm going to think about it for a long time. it was really fun having hot chocolate on your rooftop that one night, plus i loved having you in my arms and just looking out over the city. i'm really glad that we ended up doing new york for christmas, my apartment ended up looking amazing thanks to the people i hired, and it was just the perfect first christmas with you! and i'm still not over the gifts that you got me, love, and i can't wait for you to give me mandolin lessons! plus the braclet and the beatles gift, which still makes me smile so much that you got me that, and the knitting stuff, i loved it all so much. and new years was great with you too, love, so glad you got to be my first kiss of the new year, and you know you're going to be my only kiss for the rest of the year too. it was fun bringing in 2025 with you though! i'm so glad you suggested devonian gardens for our indoor picnic. by the way, it was so gorgeous there, and the picnic was perfect. yeah? i love when you encourage me to touch you more, just saying. i'm happy to be with you too, my love, and i'm glad that i don't have to start filming for a while now so i can stay with you. and i know, baby, that's why i'm so glad to be with you now since the material is so dark, and i'm glad that i can bring you some comfort when you're dealing with some rough things. and i'm so glad you had your parents for thanksgiving, it makes me smile that seeing them helped, but i get it because after filming warfare, i needed my mum and dad too. i'll also always take care of you, okay? never doubt that -- anytime you need me, i'll gladly be here and do whatever i can to make you feel better. || @teaguehq

#( conversations. )#( with: joseph quinn. )#long post tw

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